Still my favorite times of year...

Since we'll be on the east coast for Christmas, the kids and I enjoyed a lovely early Christmas dinner at the folks house. It was just like the one's growing up and it's so fun to watch my kiddos experience the same traditions.

First off was the setting of the table and enjoying grace before digging into turkey, cranberry sauce (which surprisingly Jenna LOVED), mash potatoes, green beans and sweet potatoes. And of course my favorite, hot buttery rolls. Admit it, you are hungry now aren't you? I am just mad I forgot to bring some leftover turkey home for my late night turkey sammich. Bummer. We also prayed Papa will be home by Christmas, as I got a late night call saying that it is a possibility he won't be. We are trying to keep faith though and not get too heartbroken yet.

Next was the awesomeness of making and decorating cookies. Excuse the quality of the pics, taken with my iphone because I forgot the Nikon at home tonight in my frenzy to wrap and load Christmas gifts into the car along with two very excited children.

Finally, after much begging and pleading, we dived into the passing out of gifts (yes, Jenna and Nate were doing the begging, not me or my sister Megan! Ha. Okay well not too much anyways).

The kids were adorable, as they were more excited about the gifts they gave than what they were getting. I had taken them earlier that day with $8 each to "The Dollar Tree" and a list of people to get for and let them loose to choose what they wanted to get. They had sooooo much fun finding unique and fun things for everyone.

The prized purchases were probably the Jeff Gordan poster that Nate picked out for Papaw and the wine glasses Jenna got for me, Megan and Joe. Mine was the fake Uggs for my mom, she loved them! The funniest was the silly string that Nate got his Uncle Joe... because he's a "prankster". I think Megan was happy I had veto'd the air horn he WANTED to get Joe. LOL.

Nate got an awesome Charades game for kids and we all played it. It was so much fun and many laughs were had by all. We got some good video of it too that I plan to post to youtube or facebook soon. I am still giggling.

The only sad part was missing Aunt Misty, Uncle Chris and little Chase. Hopefully next year we will all be together. Seeing the cousins play on Christmas morning will be like being a kid all over again, I am sure.

I am off to cuddle with the kids and watch some Nutcracker Ballet on TV. The kids love it as much as I do. Next two days will be crazy with our whirlwind of packing to get ready for our trip.

Next stop is Disney and the beautiful Christmas Lights, stringing popcorn and cranberries for the Christmas Tree, and awaiting the arrival of the big guy.... Papa (oh and Santa too). Haha.

Dear Santa (I've been a good girl)

Such a fun afternoon, that I had to sit down and blog.

Isn't Christmas fun? If you don't agree... just remember back to your own childhood, then get down and look at it through your kid's eyes. That's what I've been doing lately, and I promise that magic of the holiday is back with me full-force.

Today was the kiddo's Christmas parties at school. (Pictures later I promise... although I forgot to bring a memory card for my Nikon D90 and had to use my Olympus P&S instead... dumb mommy photographer moment that I will continue to kick myself for I am sure).

First I headed to Nate's party... complete with Christmas Tree shaped "Little Debbies", colored Goldfish crackers, and Capri Suns. Mmmmm Kindergarten gourmet fo'sure. :)

He was one proud little boy showing off his mama to his class. I think his smile was in danger of cutting his face in two. He was shining as bright as a new package. Man that made my heart warm. There were only two other mom's in attendance. One little girl kept crying "I want MY mommy" the entire party. I felt really bad for her. Parents --- take a two hour lunch and go to your kid's holiday parties at least once during the year. Seriously easy way to make your kids feel valued and important. (Okay, off my soapbox now)... Next, I was asked to play DJ for the "Musical Reindeer" game. (Think Musical Chairs, but everyone sits on the floor in a circle and passes a stuffed reindeer from person to person around the circle until the music stops, whoever is holding at that point is "out"... ad nauseam. We played about 5 times. Mariah Carey on repeat for that long with screaming 5 year olds is enough to give anyone a headache, so I refuse to blame it on the sinus infection I am starting to get. (hahaha) No, but really... it was a lot of fun and I got to see a portion of Nate's day that I don't normally get to. Priceless.

Next I was off to Jenna's classroom on the other side of the school (after getting lost by turning down the wrong hallway... TWICE.) Her class was more structured and tame in comparison, but throw in a couple pieces of candy, a cookie and a robust game of "Christmas Words Bingo" and the noise of a roomfull of second graders could rival the 5 year olds anyday. I was again asked to be DJ (what, do I look like the loudmouth out of the group of parents or what?). As I called out words like "Santa" "Tree" "Sliegh"... I couldn't help be amazed that my sweet little girl was READING this year and writing letters to Santa (all. by. herself.) Where has the last 7 years gone and who is this little lady that says "please" and "thank you" and "yes ma'am" without having to be reminded now? I have to say... I am one proud but nostalgic mama. I kinda miss that curly-haired little girl that wouldn't leave my sight for more than 1 minute.

My favorite was reading her letter to Santa. As a photographer, I have to say its fun to see her interested in the same stuff I am and asking for a digital camera for Christmas (shhhh... don't tell her, but I have it on good record that Santa will be getting her exactly what she wants this year!)

And it was fun at the end of the party when she said "Mom, can you give me one of your business cards, my friend and I want to schedule a playdate and she's going to give it to her mom." So grown up.

Where is that pause button again?

Be Merry

I know... I know... I suck at blogging these past few months. I assure you I miss it and I feel like my creative brain is begging me to get some writing in.

Many of you know that I have been in a legal battle with my ex for a long time, so that has also hampered my writing, as anything "can and will be used against you" in a court of law (ha). Therefore, my creative energy feels extremely censored under that kind of negativity.

I write about my memories, my life... what I've learned and experienced. Much of that is being put on hold right now, so I apologize for feeling less than inspired these days.

But that all being said, life is good. Better than good. It's GRRRR-REAT! (Yes, I invoked some Tony the Tiger there... I hang out with the under 10 crowd entirely too much these days).

The kiddos are keeping me busy (and happy) with all the holiday madness. I think 7 and 5 are the perfect age for Christmas. Old enough to understand the true meaning of the holidays, but young enough to still believe in it's magic as well.

We went to see Santa the other day at the Bass Pro Shop in Grapevine. They do such an awesome presentation of Santa and other fun things for kids. I am really impressed each year when we go, especially when you consider it's ALL FREE! The Santa pictures, playing with the lazer rifle game, the electric racecars, even the horse drawn carriage outside. And as a photographer, I loved it because the photo ops there were ENDLESS.

I strapped on my trusty Nikon D90, geared the kids up in hats, scarves and gloves and off we went. Three hours later I had about 100 pictures and two very happy but tired kiddos. I also had a little boy that went from wanting a Nintendo DS from Santa to wanting a Red Rover B-B gun (oi vey!) and a little GIRL who instead of wanting anything girly, wants a fishing pole and a crossbow in pink camo. Well, atleast that will make their soon-to-be stepdad happy, since he's an avid outdoorsman. But mama bear is LESS than pleased. I think I am outnumbered though.

This time of year always reminds me of our Christmases growing up. We never had much, but I still remember it being magical, no matter what we found under the tree that morning. I was never disappointed, as whatever Santa brough seemed to be JUST right. I hope my own kids will have the same memory about Christmas when they grow up.

This year, instead of digging out all the ornaments and doing the "fancy" tree, we plan on getting a REAL tree and making all of our decorations. I am really looking forward to this. We are going to string cranberries and popcorn and make construction paper and ribbon ornaments. Hang candy canes and paper chain garland. I am excited about our "Charlie Brown" tree. Of course I will be there taking pictures to make sure we have the memories captured forever. But I hope the feeling of family togetherness will burn in the kid's memory as well. This will be our first Christmas in our blended family and we are all looking forward to it so much.

Okay, enough holiday rambling... I thought it would be fun to share some of your favorite/memorable childhood "Santa Gifts". Here are a few of mine. Be sure to comment and post yours as well!

1. Age 7 - royal blue blowdryer (I was BIG time with my own blowdryer for my curly hair! Ha)
2. Age 12 - A cassette tape (NOT dubbed from the radio) of Poisen "Look what the Cat drug in"
3. Age 15 - A CD player and black knee high boots (I was cool I tell ya)


Have a merry Christmas and Happy (but SAFE) New Year all my friends. I promise to be more faithful to my blog in 2010. (I won't even put it on my resolutions list, so that way I REALLY WILL do it) LOL.

xoxo

New Moon Starts Tommorrow...

And yes, I know I am entirely too old to be this obsessed over a teen book series and the movies resulting from them. But alas, I am.

Life has been a whirlwind of mommy-duties, photos shoots and editing and other day-to-day stuff, so I know I have been severely neglecting my blog. I promise to remedy that very soon. Lots of idea for articles churning away in this overworked brain of mine.

But until then, I will leave you with a little fun I had in Photoshop this morning in anticipation of my movie watching tomorrow. (Personally I am not a fan of the overly-whiney Bella, so I think that makes me like Victoria in all her Bella-killing-thirst all that more. Ha, yes I know I am evil. I am also TEAM JACOB!)

Moms need love too

Did you know that there are about 14 million single parents here in the U.S. today? They are responsible for raising 21.6 million of our nation’s children. (based on 2005 census statistics released in 2007)

As astounding as that statistic reads, it doesn't suprise me at all. Within the last couple years, I have found myself unknowningly becoming a part of a culture that may not have national holidays or qualify me for equal-opportunity employment, but does have it's own foundation of survival in today's world: Single Parenting.

Once my divorce was final, I didn't set out to surround myself by other single parents. Yet somehow it just happened. Today, two of my best friends are single moms. And I even know my fair share of single dads that are adding to the mix. We grab coffee or the occassional coctail and invariably our conversation turns to our children and the challenges of raising them alone, with only the first, third and fifth weekends to regain our own identities back.

Of course not everyone has the standard divorce or the standard visitation schedule. And unlike me, some of my friends actually GET ALONG with thier ex. They take vacations together with the thier children and split parenting up in such an agreeable manner, that you wonder why they even divorced. (Obviously the culture of "single parenting" is a varied and complicated one).

I can't even have a 5 minute conversation with my ex-husband without needing mood-enhacing medication or a drink afterwards. (kidding, kinda).

The challenges go beyond just splitting visitation and obtaining effective communication with your ex. They encompass finding time to work full-time while still balancing laundry (mine usually gets clean, but doesn't always make it into drawers or closets), cooking healthy meals (chicken nuggets have protien - that's healthy right?), and finding time to actually interact with your children among all the chores and work (we like to play the wii together, even if it gives me motion sickness half the time). And at the end of the day, when you tuck them into their beds (that reminds me, I really need to wash their sheets this weekend while they are at their dad's)... you can take a deep breath and KNOW it's all worth it. THEY are worth it.

But let's talk about those "free" weekends. If you are a single parent like me, you are torn emotionally between worry, anxiety and sadness about those weekends apart and relief and guilt because you really NEED that time away from them. When else can you grocery shop without grubby little hands throwing random junk into the cart? Those weekends are the only time I have to get the rare mani/pedi or haircut, go out for lunch with adults and not have to remind someone to use their table manners. (Okay sometimes I still remind my adult friends to use table manners. Turning the "mom brain" off is harder than you think. It usually takes me atleast 2 glasses of wine.) And I will admit it the hard fact is sometimes I only get through the week with the kids because I know my free weekend is coming up.

Eventually what happens is this: you begin to feel the urge to date again. Maybe the stress of the divorce allowed you to lose that 30 lbs of baby fat you have been carrying for 5 years. You feel better without the extra wieght of not only that baby fat, but also the emotional baggage that you carried around with you during your marriage and dumped once that decree was signed. You feel like you can reinvent yourself and your life and maybe that PERFECT PERSON is out there for you.

My friends have traversed into the many mediums of dating. Match.com, eHarmony, church groups aimed at single adults and even stalking the health food aisle at the grocery store.

Dating can be a confusing and exciting time in anyone's life, but for the single parent, it is rife with second-guessing, self-depreciation, guilt, unrequited desire and personal agony. Sounds fun huh? Ha. Seriously, it CAN be. But it can also be complete misery.

One of the first challenges I faced was actually meeting people worthy of dating. My entire social network was comprised of other married couples that use to attend dinner parties with my ex and I. Now I was the stereotypical "third wheel." Ugh. Not fun.

In my twenties, I would just grab a single girlfriend and we would head to a local watering hole and find eligible bachelors to buy us drinks. In my 30's, there were no single girlfriends... and even if there was, going to the bar and talking it up with strangers over drinks wasn't really as appealing anymore. Trust me. I tried it. I usually just came home feeling depressed and old.

I have a good friend that did the whole on-line dating thing. It was great for her, cause when her child wasn't around, she really didn't feel like cooking. So she would just arrange for a date, usually with a succesful business man, and head to a fancy restaurant for a free meal. All she had to do was shower, put some make up on and make conversation. She rarely went out with anyone on a second date, because that's when the pressure was put on for more, and that's not what she wanted... she just wanted company over dinner and some good food. It worked for her. And occassionally her fabulousness would draw someone in to want more, but usually once she made it clear that her daughter came first and always would, the male ego went screaming out of the room. You would think she had a communicable disease, not just an adorable child at home. She went into each potential date/relationship letting the other person know the expectations and where they stood and it worked for her. She weeded out the guys that weren't in it for the same things she was, and it helped her realize what was important to her in a relationship.

Now, you may not have that same sense of self confidence. I will admit, this particular friend is in a league all her own when it comes to men and dating. She knew from the get-go what she wanted and where her priorities were. Not all of us are that certain or steadfast in our goals. But it certainly helps if you have a good idea of what they are. Even if you do tweek them along the way.

Another woman I know has two teenage sons. She has basically been single since the youngest was a baby. Now they are both grown and nearly out of the house and she finds herself with an identity again - one outside of "business woman" and "working mom." She chose a long time ago to focus her time and energy on her career and her boys and not let dating be a priority. However, now she is entering a new phase in her life, one that allows her to enjoy the possibility of finding Mr. Right. But after being out of the dating pool for so long, how do you recognize Mr. Right in the midst of the overabundance of Mr. Right-Nows? Especially when you are out of practice and looking for the training wheels.

Yes. I just compared dating to riding a bike. Geez, here comes the standard cliches, right? Ha. I promise I won't go there. Actually, I say skip the bike... get a motarized scooter and stop working so hard. Ha.

Don't go out seeking men/love/sex out. It will only end in frustration on your part. Realize that there is so much at stake when you date as a single parent. What is the saying "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Well, just think how a broken ego or heart is going to affect your parenting. Kids are very intuitive. So be smart about dating to protect the emotional security of not only yourself, but your children too.

1. Know what you want and what you are willing to give. Obviously your kids come #1. There are going to be those guys out there that will say "Just get a sitter, come out with me for drinks on Wednesday." Wiegh what you are giving up. Time with your children. Money for the sitter. Maybe you are spreading yourself too thin. Don't compromise yourself or your ideals for your life, just to have a man be a part of it.

2. Make a plan for how serious you are willing to get if you do meet someone with potential. How long will you have to date before he can (a) sleep over, (b) meet your children, (c) meet your family, (d) move in. Think about these things NOW before you start dating so you aren't caught off gaurd when the conversation comes up. And once you make those decisions, stick to your convictions about them. You know what is best for your family and when someone should be allowed into the inner sanctum. Don't compromise that for anyone.

3. Don't let your children get lost in the newness of a relationship. It's easy to take their love and presence for granted and want to be a little selfish for once. I mean, you have probably given up a LOT for them throughout their life. It is time for you to focus on yourself and your happiness, but don't forget that this can be a confusing and scary time for them too. Make sure they KNOW that THEY are your first priority. Don't break plans with them to go on a date. Try and limit your conversations with that significant other until after they are in bed, or while they are doing something else, so they don't feel like they have to compete for your attention. When it's time for them to meet the special guy, sit them down and prepare them for it. Explain how special this person is, but remind them that you love them more than anything and they will always come first. And most of all, don't confide in them about your relationship. Remind them that they are children and their job is to have fun, not to worry about mommy.

4. Have fun. Don't rush into something deep and serious straight away. Pick someone to hang out with that shares your interests and basic foundation about life. Enjoy the conversation, do new things, be open to this new exerience, but don't jump into anything too quickly.

5. Be Careful and Trust your Instincts. Do your research. It may seem ultra paranoid to run a background check on someone you are dating, but do it anyways. Google them. Look up their address and see who else lives there. Look up their facebook and myspace or other social network. Be aware of the way they present themselves to others and if it's in line with what you want. He could be married, he could be a registered sex offender, he could just be some unemployed loser looking for a meal ticket. I am not saying to be distrustful, just be aware. The worst thing you can do is fall in love with someone only to find out they are not who they presented themselves to be. Statistically, married men do NOT leave their wives for their mistresses. And even if they do, statistically it means they will probably cheat on you as well. It's best that you don't even find yourself on that path. Protect you and your children before you invest your heart into it.

6. Establish your intimacy rules. Will you let your new paramour spend the night? Hold hands or kiss in front of the kids? These are the questions you need to ask yourself when you find someone that you want to get serious with. Obviously, staying over is not something you would want to allow with someone you are only casually dating. So think about those things first and make your mind up before you find yourself compromising your own convictions in a moment of passion.

If you find the right person to move forward with in a relationship, it can be fulfilling and exciting. For you and your kids. Just know what to expect up front, communicate that to your potential partner and reassure your children of your love for them at every possible moment.

Happy Dating!

Liberal Conservative or Conservative Liberal? Just American.

Most of the people who know me will tell you I am no bleeding heart liberal. I have great respect for the ideals that our country was founded on and believe the basis of what our founding leaders wanted was personal responsibility and freedom and limited goverment. I will admit, I was in the minority and didn't vote for Obama. I felt his foundational campaign was based on ideals contrary to personal responsiblity and led to a dangerous slippery slope of goverment involvement.

Since he was elected and sworn into office, I've been very quite on my typically open political views. I wanted to take a "wait and watch" stance to see what happened. My hopes were that I judged Prez Obama too harshly during his campaign. I wanted to give him chance to ignite "hope" into our nation again.

Billions of dollars later in bailouts... I have to say I am less than enthused, but not as disappointed in his leadership as I once feared. There is no doubt that he truly loves this country and wants what is best. I won't argue that, even if I don't always agree with his methods. Personally I think he got in office and probably said to himself "Whoa, what did I get myself into?!"

Ha. Well it's what I would have said to myself anyways.

He's done a decent job of balancing moderate change with re-evaluating his campaign promises to reflect more practical actions. That has been a huge relief to me, as a conservative.

And walking through our nation's capital last weekend, I see positive changes everywhere within our society... and most of them can be directly related to the liberal movement in our country. Energy conservation and the "Green" movement are both good examples. Do I enjoy recycling or unplugging all the appliances in my house when I am not using them? Not really. But there is a sense of accomplishment knowing I am doing something good for our world (and my electric bill is less of a sticker shock these days too - added bonus!). I am no "bleeding heart liberal" but I fully embrace this movement towards conservation and environmental responsibility.

Secondly, I won't get into religion on a public blog - but I am a traditional Protestant Christian. I believe in the Bible - and not in a symbolic kind of way, but in a LITERAL kind of way. However, I think God intended us to be forgiving and tolerant and loving of our fellow man and woman, no matter what thier choices and whether it was considered a "sin" or not. It's heartening to see people of different ethnicities, religious backgrounds, and sexual orientations able to live in harmony and openly in our world, without ridicule and abuse. We all know that wasn't the case even just a mere decade ago.

I can sit here all night and tell you how my conservative right-wing head has been softened by the sappy liberal side of my heart, but I will spare you. Instead I will say, I think deep down we can all find common ground - whether the topic is goverment & politics, religion or some other hot topic of the day. I wish we could all stop looking at ourselves by the labels we carry, but instead just see the heart inside and the good intentions.

Because at the end of the day, that's what the founding fathers of the U.S.A wanted... they signed a document declaring that we should each have the right to make our country what we need and wanted it to be and have a say on how to make that happen.

Stop to Taste the Rain

Its been another crazy and busy month in our household. We had two more birthdays in our family. Nate turned the Big 5, and well I got another year older too. No need to reveal my REAL age. Ha.

Speaking of age, I have to tell you something funny that Jenna said to me the day before my birthday. She was asking how old I was, and I asked her "Can I just pretend I am still 29?" Her reply was "But you aren't and that would be lying."

I paused and thought a moment. I mean, yes, honesty is the best policy and all of that, but isn't there room in their moral upbringing for a little "white" lie? And the lesson of when to affectively use it?

"What if I just stop having birthdays this year and then we won't count them anymore? That way when someone asks me how old I am, I can just say 'I have celebrated 34 birthdays."

Oops, I guess I just told ya how old I am. Hmph.

Anyways, Jenna tilted her head sideways and grinned. I could see she saw the sneakiness of my logic, but was approving. "But MOM, you are YOUNG... why don't we keep having your birthday until you are 59 and then you can stop," Jenna stated. I chuckled in response and asked why 59 was the magic age. "Because that is how old Nonna is [my mom] and she's still young too."

Wow, she was really buttering up two old gals today, wasn't she?

But really, that's just how Jenna views the world... she knows how to stop and enjoy the moment. Relish whatever stage you are at and not rush to the next one. She is a lot like me that way. Always looking ahead, but not forgetting to look around either and appreciate what is right next to you.

For Nate's birthday, we drove to Florida again. The visit was shorter, but just as much fun. One day at the beach, some dark clouds rolled in and we waited until the last possible moment to pack it up and head in for the day. All at once the clouds opened and dumped rain on us. The kids came running in from the tide and as I waited, I watched Jenna stop, turn her head into the rain and stick her tongue out. She had stopped to taste the rain.

Of course Nate was dripping wet from playing in the ocean, but still felt the need to run from the pouring drops as if each one was going to scald his skin. That's my boy... he tends to run away from new experiences. He likes the comfort of home and routine and will avoid change like... well like the rain on a pretty day.

I can learn something from both of them however. Jenna in her innocence, stopped to take the rain in, rather than run from it... and like her, I want to learn to enjoy what is around me, find peace and joy in things that scare me or disrupt my day. Nate, he is more attached to his routine and is afraid of change, but there is something to be said for caution in life, because there are times when the storm is coming in and you SHOULD seek shelter from it. The key is learning to find balance between the two.

Amazing what you can learn from a 7 and 5 year old. Even at 34. (And hopefully even when I am 59, and stop having birthdays).

One day at a time

Forgiveness is a word I've known and lived since the earliest moment I can remember. If you have read my blog in the past, you know that my life has been one full of betrayal by important people in my life. But you also know that I have no regrets, as each moment taught me something about myself and others. Each moment gave me strentgth and greater understanding about life and love.

Tomorrow I turn 34 years old. By some standards, I am in my prime. By others, I am heading over "that" hill. Do I feel my 34 years? Yes and no. I hope I don't look it. Ha.

At this age, it can be easy to get wrapped up in the "what ifs", broken dreams and promises, and feel negativity about where life has taken you. I am guilty of succombing to such self-defeating thoughts a time or two. It's so much easier to curl up on a lonely night with a bottle of wine and cry bitter tears about where life has taken you. It's easier than holding your head high and putting together a plan to still achieve the dreams of your youth, if it's still what you want from life.

So on the eve of 34, I am asking myself what dreams are still pertinant. What do I want to be when I grow up? Where do I want my life to go? How has life shaped and prepared me for what is ahead? Who do I want to share the path with? Who is in my life that creates unnecessary baggage and should be left behind in the past?

I feel good about what is in front of me. I don't have all the answers. I don't know what God has in store for my life. But I know that with a positive attitude, a little faith and hard work... whatever life brings me will be just right.

The transition from stay-at-home-mom to working mom.

One of the most difficult things about becoming a single parent for me was the need to go back to work. I had worked hard pre-kids to make a career for myself, I was on my way to Assistant Vice President of Marketing for a Financial Services company when I decided it was time to leave the workforce and stay at home fulltime. My daughter was 3 years old and my son wasn't quite 1 yet.

I think most stay at home moms will tell you it is the hardest job they have ever undertaken... going from corporate dinners and deadlines to playdates and nap schedules. But is also rewarding and precious. That time with your children can drive you crazy and make you count your blessings all at the same time.

Unfortunately, my time as a stay at home mom came to an end long before I was ready for it to. Once the divorce was inevitable, I found myself looking for a job with dread and a feeling of self-depreciation. I didn't feel like I had anything left to offer the corporate world after taking a few years off and relaxing my carefully honed marketing skills. Who would want to hire someone with a huge gap in their resume? Would I be able to pick up where I left off, or was I facing the uphill battle that I had right out of college, all over again?

Suprisingly, going back to work was very much like getting back on a bike after not riding for years. Unsteady at first, a little wobbly, but then feeling the sense of freedom and accomplishment when you realize that you still have what it takes and you can just let go and enjoy the ride.

1. Sit down and talk to the kids about it. This isn't only a HUGE change for you, it will be for them too. Be enthusiastic... talk about all the great friends they will meet at the childcare facility you chose. Explain that the weekends will be your special time together and make a list of all the weekend activities you want to do - to give everyone something to look forward to. (Some fun links for family-friendly activities in DFW: About.com, Fun things to do in Texas, Nick's Parent Connect Find It, Associated Content on Dallas, Visit Dallas.com, Tour Texas.com, Uptake.com, Daily Candy for Dallas.)

2. Research your career field for industry news and changes. No matter how long you have been out of the workforce, there most likely have been changes that you need to be aware of. Do some research and study industry trends. The added information will be helpful in not only searching for a job, but when you are in your interviews. You might even find that the industry you were in wasn't a good fit for you and you are ready to consider a career change. This is the perfect time. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will feel. (Monster, Careerbuilder, Jobing.com - some of the most well-respected career sites online).

3. Network. Polish up that resume and send it to everyone you know. Call the University that you got your degree from. Most alums have free resources at the career centers of their alma mater. Utilize websites like LinkedIn and Facebook to connect with old collegues and friends in your industry.

4. Set up a schedule. Most likely you will be working an 8 to 5 workweek. Even before you start that new job, set up a schedule at home to get everyone use to it. Get up early and get everyone ready for the day, make bedtime ealier too, with a routine that includes the same steps each night. Be sure to delegate age appropriate chores to each child. Even a younger child can put away the silverware from the dishwasher or fold wash rags from the laundry. And in the midst of scheduling everything, be sure to set aside some time each evening to just spend with your children, sharing their day and playing or working on a project. They will need your attention more than ever once you are working full time to help them feel secure and confident in this new world. If you have to, write the schedule and chores on a large poster board and put in the kitchen where everyone can see it. (Family schedule templates can be found here: Paauwerfully Organized and About.com)

5. Set your expectations and communicate them to your employer. Be realistic and know that you won't be able to attend EVERY school function or have a perfectly organized and clean home. There will be activities that are missed and clutter that accumulates. Adjust your expectations to be able to deal with these changes. When you go into your new employer, make a list of the things you cannot be flexible on for them (i.e. a child's illness, the school christmas program, annual family reunion in July, being home at a certain time in the evenings), then your employer will feel like you are up-front, organized and dedicated to your responbilities - just the kind of employee they want. (See this great article on What Employer's Want).

Going from staying at home to working full time will be an adjustment for everyone, but don't let it discourage you. There are a lot of positives to working, focus on them (lunch with adults each day, a sense of accomplishment that work can bring, disposible income to do more activities with your children on the weekends, etc) and don't look back on your time at home with regret or longing. Be happy that you had that time and experience and be excited about the new chapter in your life and all the new experiences it will bring.

This article was cross-posted from Examiner.com.

How I survived the first year of being a single mom

(cross posted from Single Parenting Examiner)

You can be a SUPER Mom too!

Mother's Day is around the corner and it got me to thinking about how I take for granted what an important job I do each day. Not my jobs as a writer, photographer, event planner or web designer... I am talking about the under-appreciated but elite status of "Mommy".

Let's rewind a bit before I get to my main point of this article, which is sharing with you all how I survived the first year of being a single parent... I want to tell you about what life was like before I was doing this job solo.

I remember my first mother's day like it was yesterday. It was so exciting to me. My daughter had JUST turned one (the DAY before actually). I was excited to see what my dear husband would present me with that morning. My daughter came toddling into the room (just having learned to walk) and presented me with a card. My husband was behind her with a big proud smile on his face and a beautifully wrapped gift in his hands.

Here it was. My moment of appreciation for my first year on the job. I opened the card and read the Hallmark choice my spouse had picked for me and the tiny scribble at the bottom that my daughter had carefully drawn. I felt tears burn the back of my eyes at this long awaited moment. And then confusion muddled my brain as I saw the note from him at the bottom: "Mama! Make me some rice!"

I understand now that in his own way that this was his way of being funny, his answer later was "Hey, you're not MY mom." However, at the time I was so disappointed when I opened the beautiful gift to find an ordinary old rice steamer. My first mother's day gift. A kitchen appliance that I didn't even really need. Sigh.

Now years later, I see that first mother's day would be symbolic of the years ahead of me. A husband that would never really "get" nor "appreciate" me (which is one of the many reasons he is an EX-husband now, ha)... children that wanted nothing more than to see me smile, even if it was just from a scribble at the bottom of a paper... and that the demands of motherhood would always come before personal happiness and freedom, but would often lead to it anyways.

Later that day, I DID make Jenna some rice in our new steamer, and we had fun figuring it out together and eating some rice and chicken as a family. Despite my disappointment, it ended up being a meaningful and memorable day.

So, in honor of mother's day, I am going to share with you the top 10 things you should focus on when starting out down the path of being a Single Super Mom:

1. Adjust your expectations.
   If you are like me, you will want to maintain the same standard of living you had when you were a two-parent and two-income family. You will quickly learn that you cannot exist with the same levels of expectations you had when you were a duo... you are now a solo super mom... the house will be messier, your bank account will have a lower balance, you will be more tired, more stressed, find less time for yourself. Your kids will be naughtier. You will get less sleep. You will work harder than you ever have in your life. You will NOT complete your first year as a single parent as the same person you started it... It WILL change you. So go into it expecting change and adjustment around every corner and you will be much better off with that reality in your mind. (recommended site: www.singlemom.com)
2. Surround yourself with a strong network of friends and family.
   So many women find themselves alienating themselves after a divorce or separation. This is partly because friends can be the worst casualty of a divorce. It's hard for friends of couples to pick sides, so often they don't... they just lose touch. But you will find out who your REAL friends are during this time. They are the ones that pick up the phone and call for no other reason than to check on you. They are the ones that offer to babysit so you can have an hour to grocery shop by yourself. They are the ones that will bring a casserole for the kids and a bottle of wine for you and offer to let you sit and drink the wine while she feeds the kids. Don't push these friends away, even if your instinct is to hibernate from the world at first. These are the people that will help you up when you are down. And you will need supportive friends and family as you journey through single parenting more than you ever have before in your life. (recommended sites for staying in touch with friends and family: Facebook, Gmail, share photos on-line Photobucket, keep in touch by creating a blog at Blogger or Vox).
3. Carve out time for yourself.
   Even married moms find themselves losing their own identities in the midst of motherhood. You go to sleep one night a strong independent and creative woman one night and find yourself waking up with no other identity than butt and nose wiper, housekeeper, short order cook and taxi driver. And once you become a single parent, there is no one to share these duties with, so you find yourself hitting the floor running from the time you wake up, until the time you hit the sack late that night. Find a good sitter and book her at least once a month for a couple of hours. The kids will enjoy playing with someone new and you will enjoy having a few hours to yourself, even if it's just to grab a book from the library and find a quiet cafe to read and enjoy a cup of coffee. If you can't afford a sitter, make good use of those visitation weekends with the ex. Don't use the entire weekend to catch up on housework and chores... be sure to use some of that time to do something you truly enjoy, something that feeds your soul and your own identity. (my favorite place to have some downtime - grab a girlfriend and a bottle of wine and paint pottery: Kiln Time)
4. Do your research.
   Whether it's finding affordable housing, a stable job, or the perfect child-care facility, don't just jump on the first thing you find. The internet is such a GREAT resource of information, but don't discount word of mouth either. Get referrals and recommendations from friends and family. Check references. And then finally you can use that information and combine it with your gut instinct to make the right decisions for your family. (resources at Parents.com: Surviving(and Thriving) as a Single Mom, 10 Way to Reduce Single Parent Stress, Single Parents' Secrets of Success)
5. Maintain a routine.
   Most likely you will be splitting one home into two, and that can be a huge adjustment for any child. The most important thing you can do for all of your sanity is to create a household routine that works for everyone and stick to it. Assign kids age-appropriate chores and develop a reward chart to encourage them to stick to it. Get up at the same time everyday (even if you don't feel like it), make plans on the weekends that you can all look forward to, even if it's just going to the park or hitting a local festival, and keep a regular bedtime that starts with a scheduled routine (bedtime snack followed by bath and teeth brushing and wrapped up with a bedtime story and/or bedtime prayers). This routine will be what your children and even you hold onto when the rest of your lives seem upside down and confusing. (GREAT and easy to download reward charts: Supernanny Reward System)
6. Do not jump into dating right away.
   I think the most tempting thing for me once I found myself single and with two free weekends a month was to jump into dating. I was newly skinny (thanks to my diet of stress starvation and lack of sleep) - and felt confident for the first time in many years. Like most newly single mom's, I wasn't use to spending those free weekends alone, so I grabbed another single girlfriend and hit the bars flirting shamelessly with men much younger than me. While it was fun and good for my self-esteem, in the long run it just made me feel more alone than before. Use that time instead to fall in love with yourself again. Take up a hobby you always wanted to do, but never had the time. Preferably something that will get you in social situations, but without the pressure of dating. Take a class or join a gym. Who knows... you might meet someone anyways, but by then you will have learned to be okay being alone too. (my favorite family-friendly gym with lots of fun classes and activities: Lifetime Fitness)
7. Treat yourself to something nice.
   I am going to tell you to stick to a budget in my next tip, but FIRST... go treat yourself. You just got through one of the most difficult times of your life and you are about to spend the next decade or more putting your life on the back burner for your children. Reward yourself for getting through it intact and having the strength and confidence to go it alone. Buy yourself a watch, the designer purse you have been drooling over, or treat yourself to a trip or spa day. (my favorite online shopping: Amazon, Red Envelope, James Avery, Ebay).
8. Create and STICK TO a Budget.
   Okay, despite what I said above, you do have to REALLY watch how you spend your money now. It's time to look at how much money you have coming in and limit what you have going out. I cannot say enough about how important this is. I learned this lesson the HARD way. (recommended site: www.mint.com)
9. Stay positive. You can do this. If you think you can't - email me for a Weekly Motivator. When you don't think you can find anything to smile about... fake it... eventually you will find it is genuine.
10. Release yourself of the guilt. You will be okay. Your kids will be okay. Your ex will be okay. Your friends and family will still love you. All you can do is your very best. Don't be a critic of yourself. Don't have regrets. Do cheer yourself on EVERYDAY. Do look forward to the future... because the power to make it great is in YOUR hands.

Stay tuned to my next article - Going from Stay-at-home Mom to Work-away-from-the-home Mom in 5 simple steps without losing your sanity. Copyright 2009 Miranda Krebbs. For more information about the author of this article, please email miranda@luckystardesigns.net.

Frantically, I searched through drawers looking for green shirts. Why? Because upon awaking this morning, my darling girl stated "Oh yeah, Mom, today we can wear jeans and a green shirt instead of our uniforms." It was Earth Day.

So at 10 minutes til the time we need to be getting in the car to head to school, I am rushing around looking for a green shirt. Green isn't a color that my kids are fond of buying in clothes... luckily I had picked out a "Love Her" Earth Day tshirt for Nate (see picture below) this past weekend, but not knowing Jenna would have a pass from having to wear her school uniform, it didn't occur to me to get her one. I should have known better.

In a final act of desperation, I hit my closet and picked out a tshirt that was a bit too small for me that I had custom-made a few years ago. It was green with a silver Swarovski crystal cross on the front. A little bling-y for first grade, but it would have to do. Jenna LOVED it of course.

Of course, Nate won't be left out and is begging for his new shirt. Which I haven't washed yet.

So, my contribution to Earth Day today? Water Conservation. I sent my kid to school in clothes he wore this weekend. Ha.

Oh and by the way... I realized I like green a LOT... as I had plenty of green shirts to choose from. Must be because I am Irish. Yeah. That's it.

Best part? My Earth Day bouquet from Jenna this morning as we rushed out the door.

Don't forget the three R's peeps: Reduce, Re-use, Recycle.

Nate in his green shirt:


My Earth Day Bouquet:

Old stuff...

I have been stuck at home with a crazy case of sinus infection and chest cold. Just wiping me out. The other day I had to return the bunny costume from our Easter Event at work, so I took Jenna to school and instead of taking Nate (he's only in pre-school, nothing crazy), I decided to take him with me and drop him off on my way back to home (i.e. my bed for more nyquil and sleep).

Of course, upon arriving at the Costume Store that was almost all the way in Oklahoma, we found out we were 30 minutes early. I looked around for something to do while we waited and saw that the Antique Mall next door was open. So I took Nate by the hand and told him where we were going.

Nate: What are Antikies Mommy?
Me: Um, Antiques are OLD things that people like to still buy.
Nate: Like Old Navy?
Me: (chuckle), um no... like REALLY old stuff... things that are old fashioned
Nate: Are they dirty and dusty?
Me: sometimes, but still really cool, I'll show you.

So we walk in... in the only two customers in this HUGE 5 room storefront, stock full of every kind of antique you could imagine, complete with a tea room in the back. It was awesome!

I walked around (after threatening Nate to not touch anything or I'd kill him if I had to pay $200 for a 1940's rusted hair pin if he broke it). I was kinda browsing for anything interesting to use as a photo prop, but everything was really out of my price range.

What surprised me was Nate's complete enthusiasm. He kept saying: "Mommy look at this!" and then showing me some dusty trinket that he found interesting. I felt a bubble of pride well up in me.

Old stuff IS cool. But I think most kids today don't get that... consumed with their Ipods, laptops, Wii's and Iphones... well a dusty old stereo or a tin of marbles don't hold the same excitement to them.

But here was my little boy, not quite 5, asking for a bright red rotary phone for his birthday (which by the way was priced at $150... seriously?!) ... just because he thought it was cool. Then he found an old camera, an old stereo, an old rocking chair... all the same response "MOMMY! Look at this! Can I have it for my birthday?!" I would exclaim at each and tell him about what year they came from and what age I was (if I was even born) or what age his grandmother was when they used it... and then tell him what we used now instead. He was genuinly interested.

As we left, I was kinda sad that I couldn't afford that shiny red rotary phone... even though we don't even have a land line... it would have been fun to play with for the kids and made a great photo prop. Oh well, it was fun looking and bonding with my little guy, who's growing up so fast everyday.

Heck, I might just get on Ebay or Craigslist and see what kind of old treasure I can find him.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Nate: What is an optimologist?
Me: I don't know, I've never heard of that bud.
Nate: You know, like Indiana Jones
Me: Oh! An Archeologist?
Nate: Yeah

I explain what an archiologist is.

Nate: and they fight bad guys like ninjas and mummies right?
Me: (laughing so hard I can't comment)
Nate: I want to be an optimologist

Is it all uphill or down?

Sitting on top of a mountain, all by myself, a couple weeks ago, I realized how rarely I am truly alone these days. Unless I am driving in my car to or from work or to get the kids... I usually have someone with me at all times.

Being by yourself is empowering and humbling at the same time. I could hear my own thoughts and was able to slow the beat of my life down to enjoy all that was around me. The little details that I take for granted while I rush through each day. Instead of wake up, shower, get kids dressed and teeth brushed, fix breakfast, drop at school, head to work, go to lunch, pick kids up from school, make dinner, take baths, brush teeth, say prayers, tuck in bed.... Rinse. Repeat. I was breathing in the cold, unpolluted and refreshing air that you can only get while being transported on a ski lift. Trees and snow surrounded me. I could hear the hum of the machine that cranks out the artificial snow and the laughter of snowboarders below me. But even with that background noise... it was so quiet and peaceful.

Here on the mountainside, there were no calls of "Mom! He hit me!" or "Miranda, can you call ____ and check on _____." No events to plan. No deadlines. No homework to check. Just snow. Quiet. Peace. Calm. --- Not to say I didn't miss the kids. A part of me was wishing they were there, as I knew they would have loved playing in the snow and even learning to ski along side me. But I needed this little vacation from life. From motherhood. From my everyday.

This was my first time skiing. I am 33 years old and I had 3 year olds zipping around me when I got off the lift. But that's okay. I was not intimidated. I took my time. I got the feel for the ice and snow under my ski's. I learned the subtle turns and slices to slow down or speed up.

I never truly made it off the bunny slopes.... well okay, I admit that my boyfriend talked me into a green run. Once. It was at the end of a very successful day on the bunny slopes... I only fell twice. So I was feeling supremely confident. After a brief Starbucks break (what we deemed the nectar of the snow gods), I donned my gear and headed towards my first green run. AT NIGHT.

Yes, that is right... this was NIGHT skiing. If it wasn't for the football stadium-sized lights, you wouldn't be able to see the lifts or the runs... and you could NOT see where the path wound around to. Sometimes it felt like you would fall off the edge of the mountain as you came around a steep turn. I screamed the entire way down. Entire. WAY. Down. Lots of screaming.

I managed to stop by falling at the end of each steep hill . When I was afraid of going any faster, I'd just throw myself onto the snow sideways and skid to a stop - snow and ice flying around me. It felt like it took HOURS to get through that run, but it was probably only 15 minutes.

When we got back on the lift to go back to the top of the mountain (we were at an upside down resort... meaning the resort is at the top of the mountain, instead of the bottom like normal)... my heart was HAMMERING in my chest, I was out of breath.... BUT I was exhilarated. I conquered a huge fear and did it without killing myself OR breaking anything. Seriously. I am so not kidding. I felt really and truly accomplished by stepping out of my comfort area and doing something risky and thrilling. It's so not my typical style. I live my life in a fog of anxiety and fear and worry... rarely taking risks. This was a HUGE step for me.

The guys yelled "Ready to do it again Miranda?"... I smiled widely at both of them... "You really loved it didn't you? You did a great job!" said my very supportive guy. "Let's go," he said skiing off back towards the run enthusiastically.

But instead of following, my skis stayed firmly planted... turning almost of their own accord back towards the lodge. My breath was not evening out as I expected it to and my heart was beating more wildly than when we made it down the run. I could feel perspiration beading on my forehead.

Feeling dizzy, I gripped my ski poles and said "um, guys, I can't." They both looked at me like I was crazy. I mean... I JUST DID IT. I proved I could ski and with practice would only get better. But my legs would NOT move. My heart was gripped by panic and my head was pounding.

Yep, I was having a full-blown panic attack.

Great. God only knows why? I mean it was just tiny little green run... not like I just did a double black diamond or anything. But there it was, the familiar tightening of my chest and the overwhelming feeling that I would pass out or vomit or both.

I knew myself well enough, having suffered from anxiety for several years, that my best bet was to call it a night and let the guys go finish up the evening doing their kamikaze stunts down a black diamond. I had a warm bubble bath and glass of wine eagerly calling my name. I knew when to accept my limitations and call it a night.

Later that evening, glass of wine in hand, I relaxed in the room alone and reflected on the day. I had went from never having been on ski's to running head first down a mountain, at night no less.

Despite the panic attack, I was proud of myself and felt like it was a learning experience for me. And even though I only skied for 2 days total - and was terrified for most of it - I am excited to go back someday soon and learn more and get better. I am not done with skiing yet my friends.

The next day was our last day and I just wanted to enjoy the mountainside with nothing better to do than take some pictures, do a little shopping for the kids, and find a nice place to have some coffee... by a fireplace maybe... you know, the whole "Hallmark" moment that everyone dreams of when skiing for the first time.

So I sent the guys off in search of a few more manly thrills down an advanced ski run. (I am certain they were relieved to rid of the amateur and not stuck with me again for the day... and I was relieved to have some more valuable ALONE time).

Do I regret not facing my fears on that last day or even the night before and honing my newly found confidence on the slopes? No. Not really. I found what I needed to find on that snowy mountain... I found confidence in myself again. I knew that no matter what I wanted in life... I was not to old or stubborn or scared to face it. No need to tempt fate any further than that for the time being.

Who is this child?

Something I want to be sure to do more of is writing down some of the conversations my kids have. Their intelligence, wit and intuition never fails to astound, impress and amuse me.

For example, Jenna's conversation with her father on the phone last night.

Jenna: Sorry I didn't get to go to your wedding Daddy - even though you PROMISED I could. (insert slight dramatic pout).

the ex: That's okay Jenna. I tried, I really did, but it didn't work out.

Jenna: Yeah, you stole Nate from school and got in trouble. I understand. (with a tone of resignation and matter of factness).

the ex: (long pause)

Jenna: Daddy?

the ex: Well I didn't steal him, I just borrowed him. I was going to put him back when I was done. (teasing tone).

Jenna: (giggle) He's not a toy to be borrowed and put away daddy.

the ex: I know. (sigh)

Learning. Loving. Living.

Do you ever miss being a kid? I'll admit that I really don't think about it much. My childhood was fun and full of drama at the same time. Interspersed with the happy moments of playing with my friends until dark and drawing hopscotch on the sidewalk, is the memories of my mom sitting in a corner of a dark room crying and having potato soup every night for a week because there wasn't enough to eat in our house.

Childhood was somewhat bittersweet for me. I grew up not knowing my real dad. I fell madly in love with my mom's first husband, who eventually cheated on her, got mixed up in drugs, and died a homeless vet roaming the city streets - hardly father of the year. And then I spent my pre-pubescent years scowling at my mom's second husband and picking fights with him throughout high school. I took all my resentment out on him, and although sometimes he deserved it, most of the time he didn't.

But I also remember holding all-day dance contests in my cousin's front yard, complete with a sheet of cardboard to "break-dance" on to the tunes coming out of our "boombox". Fun times. And sitting on the back patio in the scorching sun eating a popsicle, feeling it drip down my arms and onto my bare legs and then jumping in the pool to rinse it all off. While inside the house my family was falling apart.

For a kid with a childhood like that... the good memories were a lifeboat to happiness.

The resilience of children has never been more clear to me than when I became a mom. Wiping tears from faces that just got skinned from falling off a bike, kissing a papercut that has already begun to heal but needs a batman bandaid, well just because it feels better, and playing barbies with my daughter because she had a fight with her best friend --- these are the moments when my heart breaks because more than anything I want to protect my children from any pain. But then five minutes later they are up and running and laughing again... whatever hurt received quickly forgotten. And that makes me smile.

I realized tonight that I am doing a good job of protecting them and encouraging happiness, because despite being involved in a nasty custody dispute with their father, my children are oblivious to it. I fill their days with activity and stories and love and kisses and hugs - tucking them warmly into bed at night, so that they don't doubt for one second that they are loved and cared for. They don't have to worry about whether mommy is sad again or whether there will be something new on the dinner table tomorrow night. They have the security to know that their every need will be met.

Does their mom sit in a corner and cry? I'll admit that sometimes I do, but it's when they aren't around to see or worry about it. Have I worried about where I'll find food to put on the table? Since becoming a single mom, yes I have been there a time or two as well. But it's not something they ever see or realize. I protect them so that they can do what kids are suppose to do... play and learn and experience the wonders of our world.

And somehow, through them, I am getting to experience my childhood over again - well at least the good parts. That's my reward for being their mom.

Weeeee!

Is there anything more free than this?

Jenna doing what she does best

Congestion

Can a upper respiratory illness cause writers block?

I am home sick today. Fuzzy bathrobe snug around me, hot tea with honey and lemon cooling... I thought "What a perfect time to catch up on my blogging."

But what to write about?

...

...

...

Being sick? God, no one wants to read about that.

Kids? Nate did start a new school yesterday and because they teach Spanish there he keeps asking me when we can go on vacation to Mexico, convinced he'll be fluent after a week I imagine. Jenna has a complicated friendship with three little girls that is causing her equal joy and frustration.

I could use my experiences with both of them to write an article. How to transition a little one into a new school in a healthy way, as it worked well for us. Or write a piece on the dynamics of friendships that carry over from childhood into our adult lives.

Somehow there are thousands of ideas and possibilities swirling around in my head, but I can't seem to formulate one of them into words that I can type.

It reminds me of driving in dowtown Dallas traffic on Monday morning. Inevitably you are going to hit traffic and it's usually caused by some city planning committee who thought it would be great to take the four lane highway and expand it to six to ease traffic - but not taking into account the length of time and resources needed to complete the improvement would include shutting the four lanes into one as the development is being done. So what you have is four lanes of traffic being merged into only one - causing traffic congestion.

That's what is happening with my head. Congestion. And I am not talking about the extensive amount of snot making my nasal passages throb. I am talking about a congestion of words and thoughts and ideas... they are there in my head and all of them want out at once.

But where to start?

I can't just hold a tissue to it and "blow" the way we direct toddlers to do when they haven't figured out how to do so yet.

Or can I?

A friend once told me that writers don't get "blocked"... they get lazy and scared. A real writer never stops writing... even if the topic is overdone or mundane. Just do it. (thanks Nike for the most recognized tag line of my generation). JUST. DO. IT.

So instead of staring at the computer screen and being too scared to write... being too lazy to start... I have one new year's resolution for 2009. To rid myself of the congestion of ideas by writing about them everyday. Just stick my hand in the pot and pick one and go with it. I might just find that with one good "blow", the words will come flowing again.