Language - It's meaning has POWER

I've been thinking a lot lately about language.  We are inundated by it daily.  TV, Radio, our friends, our family, our co-workers... even magazines, the internet, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter play into my thoughts.  And as parents, we are the first examples of language for our children.  You know, that group of shorties that represent our future world leaders?

My children are 10, 8 and 7 months.  The oldest one is starting to experiment with language as a pre-teen (and mostly failing to grasp the influence she has over her brothers by using it), my middle child is learning about language in his speech classes to fix a slight lisp, and my youngest is just simply LEARNING about language because he can't talk yet.

Our language, the words we use, the body language we convey it with, even the cell phone texts/tweets/facebook messages we send... have POWER.

The other day my middle was acting a little nutty (as he sometimes does do to his ADHD and being a BOY).  I caught myself as I started to say "Settle down, you are acting like a ..." wait, did I really almost call my son a 'TARD?!?!  Where the heck did that COME from??  I am hugely against using negative words in everyday slang... like "TARD", "That's GAY", "Don't be a Baby!"... to me these are taking very special people in our world and saying they are "bad" because we use their titles in negative language.  And here I was, about to say something that I was 100% fundamentally against. 

Again.  I asked myself, WHERE did this come FROM?  How did it so easily jump into my head and almost out of my lips?!  

All I can think is that we are inundated with language from the time we get up until the time we go to bed.  I read hundreds (maybe thousands) of status updates on Facebook and Twitter each day.  I read magazines, watch the news and a select few TV shows and listen to radio nearly all day.  Words are constantly entering my head and ears in almost unconscious ways.  I know I've heard teens call each other 'Tards and exclaim "that's so gay!" at least daily via social media and other communication vehicles.  It's possible that these phrases don't even register in my brain anymore, they are like hearing "I had a crappy day today", "That was so cool, it was the SHIT", "Damn I am hungry!" ... or like my 10 year old gets chastised for saying almost daily: "That's friggin stupid!" 

But I want to put a stop to our numbing response to negative language.  I don't want my kids to think it's okay to use slang to hurt others, even in unconcious ways.

And I want to remove these and other words from my vocabulary as well.  It goes further than just cursing (which I need to work on as well).  I want to go back to the mantra, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  Is it really necessary to scream at the driver that just cut you off in traffic?  He can't hear you.  And you don't know what his day was like.  Maybe he's rushing from work to spend time with his wife that is in the hospital.  Or maybe his kid just got hurt at baseball practice and he needs to get there quickly.  Granted, maybe he is just a jerk that thinks his time is more valuable than yours, but regardless, screaming a malicious name or statement at him doesn't do anyting to fix him, and instead might be influencing your kids in negative ways when they hear you.  Next time your son pushes your daughter to get to the sink first to wash hands, is it okay for her to say "Hey stupid!  Watch where you are going!" ??  No, you don't want her to say that, so really we should say it either.  Right?

 

Here is my challenge.  Start listening to your words.  Pause before you speak, before you type the next status update or tweet.  Is the words you are conveying positive in nature?  Do they have unnecessary adverbs?  Isn't it just as easy and effective to say "Today wasn't my favorite, hoping tomorrow is better" as it is to say "Today was a piece of crap and I friggin' hope tomorrow doesn't suck too"?   

Furthermore,  I challenge parents take a more active role in what your kids are watching, listening to and saying themselves.  It's no fun being the UNCOOL parent, but it's our job to filter and sensor our children until they are old enough to make judgements about the world through a foundation of values and morals that WE as PARENTS instill in them.  My hope is when they aren't with you, and they are tempted to watch and say things you don't approve of, they will use that foundation to make good decisions about language. 

I am working on it day-by-day and word-by-word.  I am doing it because our children are listening, watching and mimicking who we are, how we act and what we do.  Do we want our future to be influenced by a bunch of kids that learned what the world was about via Spongebob Squarepants, Family Guy and Futurama? 

In this world of anti-bullying campaigns, gun-control law debates and mental illness at an all time high, maybe the answer is simple.  Language, my friends, has POWER.  Power to tear down and power to build up.  Power to teach and power to alienate.  Power to share love and power to spur on hate.  Let's put LOVE back in our language.  

Let's teach our children to use language to communicate that love to everyone they meet.  The new kid in school.  The grouchy teacher that yells in class.  The younger sibling that annoys them daily.  The kid that seems different and uncool.  The adult that seems angry and sad.  The grandparent that everyone forgets to visit.  

By teaching our kids these important lessons, we might even learn something ourselves.  We might even like who we become as a result.  At the very least, people around us will be happier, and so will we. 

Find laughter in everything.

Nate: So, Mom, that one judge on American Idol... Pepper? She doesn't like Simon does she?

Me: You mean Posh Spice?

Nate: Oh yeah, Spice.

Me: (snicker...haha... Pepper) Yeah, she did seem annoyed with him didn't she?

Nate: I know!

Just another day full of chuckles with my Monkey. Had to share that little convo tonight, as it was just too cute not to.

I have a bunch of ideas for articles churning in my head, but life is a whirlwind and I haven't had two seconds to put pen to paper (or hands to keyboard, as the case may be). I promise to be better with blogging and writing this year, despite the fact my photography business is thriving. It has truly become my new passion and I am having so much fun with it. Be sure to go check out the newborn shots I did right after the new year on my photography blog (www.luckystardesigns.net). She was one adorable baby.

This weekend I am taking a break from the crazy pace of life and heading off to D.C. Looking forward to hitting up Georgetown for my favorite pizza place and maybe even a little 80's and 90's music at one of the little pubs. I will get some work in too, I am sure, but it will be nice to get away for the weekend too.

When I come back, I plan on putting together a workshop for learning Photoshop basics if anyone local is interested. Let me know. I'll post in more details about it on the photography blog later this month.

Hope everyone is having a great year! Be sure to reply with some articles you would like to see in the next couple of months. I'd like to merge some of my single-mom advice and some of my photography and design skills to put some articles together that teach you how to take better pictures of your kids, crafts you can do with kids, and even create your own holiday cards and scrapbook gifts. What else would you like to see?

Moms need love too

Did you know that there are about 14 million single parents here in the U.S. today? They are responsible for raising 21.6 million of our nation’s children. (based on 2005 census statistics released in 2007)

As astounding as that statistic reads, it doesn't suprise me at all. Within the last couple years, I have found myself unknowningly becoming a part of a culture that may not have national holidays or qualify me for equal-opportunity employment, but does have it's own foundation of survival in today's world: Single Parenting.

Once my divorce was final, I didn't set out to surround myself by other single parents. Yet somehow it just happened. Today, two of my best friends are single moms. And I even know my fair share of single dads that are adding to the mix. We grab coffee or the occassional coctail and invariably our conversation turns to our children and the challenges of raising them alone, with only the first, third and fifth weekends to regain our own identities back.

Of course not everyone has the standard divorce or the standard visitation schedule. And unlike me, some of my friends actually GET ALONG with thier ex. They take vacations together with the thier children and split parenting up in such an agreeable manner, that you wonder why they even divorced. (Obviously the culture of "single parenting" is a varied and complicated one).

I can't even have a 5 minute conversation with my ex-husband without needing mood-enhacing medication or a drink afterwards. (kidding, kinda).

The challenges go beyond just splitting visitation and obtaining effective communication with your ex. They encompass finding time to work full-time while still balancing laundry (mine usually gets clean, but doesn't always make it into drawers or closets), cooking healthy meals (chicken nuggets have protien - that's healthy right?), and finding time to actually interact with your children among all the chores and work (we like to play the wii together, even if it gives me motion sickness half the time). And at the end of the day, when you tuck them into their beds (that reminds me, I really need to wash their sheets this weekend while they are at their dad's)... you can take a deep breath and KNOW it's all worth it. THEY are worth it.

But let's talk about those "free" weekends. If you are a single parent like me, you are torn emotionally between worry, anxiety and sadness about those weekends apart and relief and guilt because you really NEED that time away from them. When else can you grocery shop without grubby little hands throwing random junk into the cart? Those weekends are the only time I have to get the rare mani/pedi or haircut, go out for lunch with adults and not have to remind someone to use their table manners. (Okay sometimes I still remind my adult friends to use table manners. Turning the "mom brain" off is harder than you think. It usually takes me atleast 2 glasses of wine.) And I will admit it the hard fact is sometimes I only get through the week with the kids because I know my free weekend is coming up.

Eventually what happens is this: you begin to feel the urge to date again. Maybe the stress of the divorce allowed you to lose that 30 lbs of baby fat you have been carrying for 5 years. You feel better without the extra wieght of not only that baby fat, but also the emotional baggage that you carried around with you during your marriage and dumped once that decree was signed. You feel like you can reinvent yourself and your life and maybe that PERFECT PERSON is out there for you.

My friends have traversed into the many mediums of dating. Match.com, eHarmony, church groups aimed at single adults and even stalking the health food aisle at the grocery store.

Dating can be a confusing and exciting time in anyone's life, but for the single parent, it is rife with second-guessing, self-depreciation, guilt, unrequited desire and personal agony. Sounds fun huh? Ha. Seriously, it CAN be. But it can also be complete misery.

One of the first challenges I faced was actually meeting people worthy of dating. My entire social network was comprised of other married couples that use to attend dinner parties with my ex and I. Now I was the stereotypical "third wheel." Ugh. Not fun.

In my twenties, I would just grab a single girlfriend and we would head to a local watering hole and find eligible bachelors to buy us drinks. In my 30's, there were no single girlfriends... and even if there was, going to the bar and talking it up with strangers over drinks wasn't really as appealing anymore. Trust me. I tried it. I usually just came home feeling depressed and old.

I have a good friend that did the whole on-line dating thing. It was great for her, cause when her child wasn't around, she really didn't feel like cooking. So she would just arrange for a date, usually with a succesful business man, and head to a fancy restaurant for a free meal. All she had to do was shower, put some make up on and make conversation. She rarely went out with anyone on a second date, because that's when the pressure was put on for more, and that's not what she wanted... she just wanted company over dinner and some good food. It worked for her. And occassionally her fabulousness would draw someone in to want more, but usually once she made it clear that her daughter came first and always would, the male ego went screaming out of the room. You would think she had a communicable disease, not just an adorable child at home. She went into each potential date/relationship letting the other person know the expectations and where they stood and it worked for her. She weeded out the guys that weren't in it for the same things she was, and it helped her realize what was important to her in a relationship.

Now, you may not have that same sense of self confidence. I will admit, this particular friend is in a league all her own when it comes to men and dating. She knew from the get-go what she wanted and where her priorities were. Not all of us are that certain or steadfast in our goals. But it certainly helps if you have a good idea of what they are. Even if you do tweek them along the way.

Another woman I know has two teenage sons. She has basically been single since the youngest was a baby. Now they are both grown and nearly out of the house and she finds herself with an identity again - one outside of "business woman" and "working mom." She chose a long time ago to focus her time and energy on her career and her boys and not let dating be a priority. However, now she is entering a new phase in her life, one that allows her to enjoy the possibility of finding Mr. Right. But after being out of the dating pool for so long, how do you recognize Mr. Right in the midst of the overabundance of Mr. Right-Nows? Especially when you are out of practice and looking for the training wheels.

Yes. I just compared dating to riding a bike. Geez, here comes the standard cliches, right? Ha. I promise I won't go there. Actually, I say skip the bike... get a motarized scooter and stop working so hard. Ha.

Don't go out seeking men/love/sex out. It will only end in frustration on your part. Realize that there is so much at stake when you date as a single parent. What is the saying "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Well, just think how a broken ego or heart is going to affect your parenting. Kids are very intuitive. So be smart about dating to protect the emotional security of not only yourself, but your children too.

1. Know what you want and what you are willing to give. Obviously your kids come #1. There are going to be those guys out there that will say "Just get a sitter, come out with me for drinks on Wednesday." Wiegh what you are giving up. Time with your children. Money for the sitter. Maybe you are spreading yourself too thin. Don't compromise yourself or your ideals for your life, just to have a man be a part of it.

2. Make a plan for how serious you are willing to get if you do meet someone with potential. How long will you have to date before he can (a) sleep over, (b) meet your children, (c) meet your family, (d) move in. Think about these things NOW before you start dating so you aren't caught off gaurd when the conversation comes up. And once you make those decisions, stick to your convictions about them. You know what is best for your family and when someone should be allowed into the inner sanctum. Don't compromise that for anyone.

3. Don't let your children get lost in the newness of a relationship. It's easy to take their love and presence for granted and want to be a little selfish for once. I mean, you have probably given up a LOT for them throughout their life. It is time for you to focus on yourself and your happiness, but don't forget that this can be a confusing and scary time for them too. Make sure they KNOW that THEY are your first priority. Don't break plans with them to go on a date. Try and limit your conversations with that significant other until after they are in bed, or while they are doing something else, so they don't feel like they have to compete for your attention. When it's time for them to meet the special guy, sit them down and prepare them for it. Explain how special this person is, but remind them that you love them more than anything and they will always come first. And most of all, don't confide in them about your relationship. Remind them that they are children and their job is to have fun, not to worry about mommy.

4. Have fun. Don't rush into something deep and serious straight away. Pick someone to hang out with that shares your interests and basic foundation about life. Enjoy the conversation, do new things, be open to this new exerience, but don't jump into anything too quickly.

5. Be Careful and Trust your Instincts. Do your research. It may seem ultra paranoid to run a background check on someone you are dating, but do it anyways. Google them. Look up their address and see who else lives there. Look up their facebook and myspace or other social network. Be aware of the way they present themselves to others and if it's in line with what you want. He could be married, he could be a registered sex offender, he could just be some unemployed loser looking for a meal ticket. I am not saying to be distrustful, just be aware. The worst thing you can do is fall in love with someone only to find out they are not who they presented themselves to be. Statistically, married men do NOT leave their wives for their mistresses. And even if they do, statistically it means they will probably cheat on you as well. It's best that you don't even find yourself on that path. Protect you and your children before you invest your heart into it.

6. Establish your intimacy rules. Will you let your new paramour spend the night? Hold hands or kiss in front of the kids? These are the questions you need to ask yourself when you find someone that you want to get serious with. Obviously, staying over is not something you would want to allow with someone you are only casually dating. So think about those things first and make your mind up before you find yourself compromising your own convictions in a moment of passion.

If you find the right person to move forward with in a relationship, it can be fulfilling and exciting. For you and your kids. Just know what to expect up front, communicate that to your potential partner and reassure your children of your love for them at every possible moment.

Happy Dating!

The transition from stay-at-home-mom to working mom.

One of the most difficult things about becoming a single parent for me was the need to go back to work. I had worked hard pre-kids to make a career for myself, I was on my way to Assistant Vice President of Marketing for a Financial Services company when I decided it was time to leave the workforce and stay at home fulltime. My daughter was 3 years old and my son wasn't quite 1 yet.

I think most stay at home moms will tell you it is the hardest job they have ever undertaken... going from corporate dinners and deadlines to playdates and nap schedules. But is also rewarding and precious. That time with your children can drive you crazy and make you count your blessings all at the same time.

Unfortunately, my time as a stay at home mom came to an end long before I was ready for it to. Once the divorce was inevitable, I found myself looking for a job with dread and a feeling of self-depreciation. I didn't feel like I had anything left to offer the corporate world after taking a few years off and relaxing my carefully honed marketing skills. Who would want to hire someone with a huge gap in their resume? Would I be able to pick up where I left off, or was I facing the uphill battle that I had right out of college, all over again?

Suprisingly, going back to work was very much like getting back on a bike after not riding for years. Unsteady at first, a little wobbly, but then feeling the sense of freedom and accomplishment when you realize that you still have what it takes and you can just let go and enjoy the ride.

1. Sit down and talk to the kids about it. This isn't only a HUGE change for you, it will be for them too. Be enthusiastic... talk about all the great friends they will meet at the childcare facility you chose. Explain that the weekends will be your special time together and make a list of all the weekend activities you want to do - to give everyone something to look forward to. (Some fun links for family-friendly activities in DFW: About.com, Fun things to do in Texas, Nick's Parent Connect Find It, Associated Content on Dallas, Visit Dallas.com, Tour Texas.com, Uptake.com, Daily Candy for Dallas.)

2. Research your career field for industry news and changes. No matter how long you have been out of the workforce, there most likely have been changes that you need to be aware of. Do some research and study industry trends. The added information will be helpful in not only searching for a job, but when you are in your interviews. You might even find that the industry you were in wasn't a good fit for you and you are ready to consider a career change. This is the perfect time. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will feel. (Monster, Careerbuilder, Jobing.com - some of the most well-respected career sites online).

3. Network. Polish up that resume and send it to everyone you know. Call the University that you got your degree from. Most alums have free resources at the career centers of their alma mater. Utilize websites like LinkedIn and Facebook to connect with old collegues and friends in your industry.

4. Set up a schedule. Most likely you will be working an 8 to 5 workweek. Even before you start that new job, set up a schedule at home to get everyone use to it. Get up early and get everyone ready for the day, make bedtime ealier too, with a routine that includes the same steps each night. Be sure to delegate age appropriate chores to each child. Even a younger child can put away the silverware from the dishwasher or fold wash rags from the laundry. And in the midst of scheduling everything, be sure to set aside some time each evening to just spend with your children, sharing their day and playing or working on a project. They will need your attention more than ever once you are working full time to help them feel secure and confident in this new world. If you have to, write the schedule and chores on a large poster board and put in the kitchen where everyone can see it. (Family schedule templates can be found here: Paauwerfully Organized and About.com)

5. Set your expectations and communicate them to your employer. Be realistic and know that you won't be able to attend EVERY school function or have a perfectly organized and clean home. There will be activities that are missed and clutter that accumulates. Adjust your expectations to be able to deal with these changes. When you go into your new employer, make a list of the things you cannot be flexible on for them (i.e. a child's illness, the school christmas program, annual family reunion in July, being home at a certain time in the evenings), then your employer will feel like you are up-front, organized and dedicated to your responbilities - just the kind of employee they want. (See this great article on What Employer's Want).

Going from staying at home to working full time will be an adjustment for everyone, but don't let it discourage you. There are a lot of positives to working, focus on them (lunch with adults each day, a sense of accomplishment that work can bring, disposible income to do more activities with your children on the weekends, etc) and don't look back on your time at home with regret or longing. Be happy that you had that time and experience and be excited about the new chapter in your life and all the new experiences it will bring.

This article was cross-posted from Examiner.com.

How I survived the first year of being a single mom

(cross posted from Single Parenting Examiner)

You can be a SUPER Mom too!

Mother's Day is around the corner and it got me to thinking about how I take for granted what an important job I do each day. Not my jobs as a writer, photographer, event planner or web designer... I am talking about the under-appreciated but elite status of "Mommy".

Let's rewind a bit before I get to my main point of this article, which is sharing with you all how I survived the first year of being a single parent... I want to tell you about what life was like before I was doing this job solo.

I remember my first mother's day like it was yesterday. It was so exciting to me. My daughter had JUST turned one (the DAY before actually). I was excited to see what my dear husband would present me with that morning. My daughter came toddling into the room (just having learned to walk) and presented me with a card. My husband was behind her with a big proud smile on his face and a beautifully wrapped gift in his hands.

Here it was. My moment of appreciation for my first year on the job. I opened the card and read the Hallmark choice my spouse had picked for me and the tiny scribble at the bottom that my daughter had carefully drawn. I felt tears burn the back of my eyes at this long awaited moment. And then confusion muddled my brain as I saw the note from him at the bottom: "Mama! Make me some rice!"

I understand now that in his own way that this was his way of being funny, his answer later was "Hey, you're not MY mom." However, at the time I was so disappointed when I opened the beautiful gift to find an ordinary old rice steamer. My first mother's day gift. A kitchen appliance that I didn't even really need. Sigh.

Now years later, I see that first mother's day would be symbolic of the years ahead of me. A husband that would never really "get" nor "appreciate" me (which is one of the many reasons he is an EX-husband now, ha)... children that wanted nothing more than to see me smile, even if it was just from a scribble at the bottom of a paper... and that the demands of motherhood would always come before personal happiness and freedom, but would often lead to it anyways.

Later that day, I DID make Jenna some rice in our new steamer, and we had fun figuring it out together and eating some rice and chicken as a family. Despite my disappointment, it ended up being a meaningful and memorable day.

So, in honor of mother's day, I am going to share with you the top 10 things you should focus on when starting out down the path of being a Single Super Mom:

1. Adjust your expectations.
   If you are like me, you will want to maintain the same standard of living you had when you were a two-parent and two-income family. You will quickly learn that you cannot exist with the same levels of expectations you had when you were a duo... you are now a solo super mom... the house will be messier, your bank account will have a lower balance, you will be more tired, more stressed, find less time for yourself. Your kids will be naughtier. You will get less sleep. You will work harder than you ever have in your life. You will NOT complete your first year as a single parent as the same person you started it... It WILL change you. So go into it expecting change and adjustment around every corner and you will be much better off with that reality in your mind. (recommended site: www.singlemom.com)
2. Surround yourself with a strong network of friends and family.
   So many women find themselves alienating themselves after a divorce or separation. This is partly because friends can be the worst casualty of a divorce. It's hard for friends of couples to pick sides, so often they don't... they just lose touch. But you will find out who your REAL friends are during this time. They are the ones that pick up the phone and call for no other reason than to check on you. They are the ones that offer to babysit so you can have an hour to grocery shop by yourself. They are the ones that will bring a casserole for the kids and a bottle of wine for you and offer to let you sit and drink the wine while she feeds the kids. Don't push these friends away, even if your instinct is to hibernate from the world at first. These are the people that will help you up when you are down. And you will need supportive friends and family as you journey through single parenting more than you ever have before in your life. (recommended sites for staying in touch with friends and family: Facebook, Gmail, share photos on-line Photobucket, keep in touch by creating a blog at Blogger or Vox).
3. Carve out time for yourself.
   Even married moms find themselves losing their own identities in the midst of motherhood. You go to sleep one night a strong independent and creative woman one night and find yourself waking up with no other identity than butt and nose wiper, housekeeper, short order cook and taxi driver. And once you become a single parent, there is no one to share these duties with, so you find yourself hitting the floor running from the time you wake up, until the time you hit the sack late that night. Find a good sitter and book her at least once a month for a couple of hours. The kids will enjoy playing with someone new and you will enjoy having a few hours to yourself, even if it's just to grab a book from the library and find a quiet cafe to read and enjoy a cup of coffee. If you can't afford a sitter, make good use of those visitation weekends with the ex. Don't use the entire weekend to catch up on housework and chores... be sure to use some of that time to do something you truly enjoy, something that feeds your soul and your own identity. (my favorite place to have some downtime - grab a girlfriend and a bottle of wine and paint pottery: Kiln Time)
4. Do your research.
   Whether it's finding affordable housing, a stable job, or the perfect child-care facility, don't just jump on the first thing you find. The internet is such a GREAT resource of information, but don't discount word of mouth either. Get referrals and recommendations from friends and family. Check references. And then finally you can use that information and combine it with your gut instinct to make the right decisions for your family. (resources at Parents.com: Surviving(and Thriving) as a Single Mom, 10 Way to Reduce Single Parent Stress, Single Parents' Secrets of Success)
5. Maintain a routine.
   Most likely you will be splitting one home into two, and that can be a huge adjustment for any child. The most important thing you can do for all of your sanity is to create a household routine that works for everyone and stick to it. Assign kids age-appropriate chores and develop a reward chart to encourage them to stick to it. Get up at the same time everyday (even if you don't feel like it), make plans on the weekends that you can all look forward to, even if it's just going to the park or hitting a local festival, and keep a regular bedtime that starts with a scheduled routine (bedtime snack followed by bath and teeth brushing and wrapped up with a bedtime story and/or bedtime prayers). This routine will be what your children and even you hold onto when the rest of your lives seem upside down and confusing. (GREAT and easy to download reward charts: Supernanny Reward System)
6. Do not jump into dating right away.
   I think the most tempting thing for me once I found myself single and with two free weekends a month was to jump into dating. I was newly skinny (thanks to my diet of stress starvation and lack of sleep) - and felt confident for the first time in many years. Like most newly single mom's, I wasn't use to spending those free weekends alone, so I grabbed another single girlfriend and hit the bars flirting shamelessly with men much younger than me. While it was fun and good for my self-esteem, in the long run it just made me feel more alone than before. Use that time instead to fall in love with yourself again. Take up a hobby you always wanted to do, but never had the time. Preferably something that will get you in social situations, but without the pressure of dating. Take a class or join a gym. Who knows... you might meet someone anyways, but by then you will have learned to be okay being alone too. (my favorite family-friendly gym with lots of fun classes and activities: Lifetime Fitness)
7. Treat yourself to something nice.
   I am going to tell you to stick to a budget in my next tip, but FIRST... go treat yourself. You just got through one of the most difficult times of your life and you are about to spend the next decade or more putting your life on the back burner for your children. Reward yourself for getting through it intact and having the strength and confidence to go it alone. Buy yourself a watch, the designer purse you have been drooling over, or treat yourself to a trip or spa day. (my favorite online shopping: Amazon, Red Envelope, James Avery, Ebay).
8. Create and STICK TO a Budget.
   Okay, despite what I said above, you do have to REALLY watch how you spend your money now. It's time to look at how much money you have coming in and limit what you have going out. I cannot say enough about how important this is. I learned this lesson the HARD way. (recommended site: www.mint.com)
9. Stay positive. You can do this. If you think you can't - email me for a Weekly Motivator. When you don't think you can find anything to smile about... fake it... eventually you will find it is genuine.
10. Release yourself of the guilt. You will be okay. Your kids will be okay. Your ex will be okay. Your friends and family will still love you. All you can do is your very best. Don't be a critic of yourself. Don't have regrets. Do cheer yourself on EVERYDAY. Do look forward to the future... because the power to make it great is in YOUR hands.

Stay tuned to my next article - Going from Stay-at-home Mom to Work-away-from-the-home Mom in 5 simple steps without losing your sanity. Copyright 2009 Miranda Krebbs. For more information about the author of this article, please email miranda@luckystardesigns.net.