Language - It's meaning has POWER

I've been thinking a lot lately about language.  We are inundated by it daily.  TV, Radio, our friends, our family, our co-workers... even magazines, the internet, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter play into my thoughts.  And as parents, we are the first examples of language for our children.  You know, that group of shorties that represent our future world leaders?

My children are 10, 8 and 7 months.  The oldest one is starting to experiment with language as a pre-teen (and mostly failing to grasp the influence she has over her brothers by using it), my middle child is learning about language in his speech classes to fix a slight lisp, and my youngest is just simply LEARNING about language because he can't talk yet.

Our language, the words we use, the body language we convey it with, even the cell phone texts/tweets/facebook messages we send... have POWER.

The other day my middle was acting a little nutty (as he sometimes does do to his ADHD and being a BOY).  I caught myself as I started to say "Settle down, you are acting like a ..." wait, did I really almost call my son a 'TARD?!?!  Where the heck did that COME from??  I am hugely against using negative words in everyday slang... like "TARD", "That's GAY", "Don't be a Baby!"... to me these are taking very special people in our world and saying they are "bad" because we use their titles in negative language.  And here I was, about to say something that I was 100% fundamentally against. 

Again.  I asked myself, WHERE did this come FROM?  How did it so easily jump into my head and almost out of my lips?!  

All I can think is that we are inundated with language from the time we get up until the time we go to bed.  I read hundreds (maybe thousands) of status updates on Facebook and Twitter each day.  I read magazines, watch the news and a select few TV shows and listen to radio nearly all day.  Words are constantly entering my head and ears in almost unconscious ways.  I know I've heard teens call each other 'Tards and exclaim "that's so gay!" at least daily via social media and other communication vehicles.  It's possible that these phrases don't even register in my brain anymore, they are like hearing "I had a crappy day today", "That was so cool, it was the SHIT", "Damn I am hungry!" ... or like my 10 year old gets chastised for saying almost daily: "That's friggin stupid!" 

But I want to put a stop to our numbing response to negative language.  I don't want my kids to think it's okay to use slang to hurt others, even in unconcious ways.

And I want to remove these and other words from my vocabulary as well.  It goes further than just cursing (which I need to work on as well).  I want to go back to the mantra, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  Is it really necessary to scream at the driver that just cut you off in traffic?  He can't hear you.  And you don't know what his day was like.  Maybe he's rushing from work to spend time with his wife that is in the hospital.  Or maybe his kid just got hurt at baseball practice and he needs to get there quickly.  Granted, maybe he is just a jerk that thinks his time is more valuable than yours, but regardless, screaming a malicious name or statement at him doesn't do anyting to fix him, and instead might be influencing your kids in negative ways when they hear you.  Next time your son pushes your daughter to get to the sink first to wash hands, is it okay for her to say "Hey stupid!  Watch where you are going!" ??  No, you don't want her to say that, so really we should say it either.  Right?

 

Here is my challenge.  Start listening to your words.  Pause before you speak, before you type the next status update or tweet.  Is the words you are conveying positive in nature?  Do they have unnecessary adverbs?  Isn't it just as easy and effective to say "Today wasn't my favorite, hoping tomorrow is better" as it is to say "Today was a piece of crap and I friggin' hope tomorrow doesn't suck too"?   

Furthermore,  I challenge parents take a more active role in what your kids are watching, listening to and saying themselves.  It's no fun being the UNCOOL parent, but it's our job to filter and sensor our children until they are old enough to make judgements about the world through a foundation of values and morals that WE as PARENTS instill in them.  My hope is when they aren't with you, and they are tempted to watch and say things you don't approve of, they will use that foundation to make good decisions about language. 

I am working on it day-by-day and word-by-word.  I am doing it because our children are listening, watching and mimicking who we are, how we act and what we do.  Do we want our future to be influenced by a bunch of kids that learned what the world was about via Spongebob Squarepants, Family Guy and Futurama? 

In this world of anti-bullying campaigns, gun-control law debates and mental illness at an all time high, maybe the answer is simple.  Language, my friends, has POWER.  Power to tear down and power to build up.  Power to teach and power to alienate.  Power to share love and power to spur on hate.  Let's put LOVE back in our language.  

Let's teach our children to use language to communicate that love to everyone they meet.  The new kid in school.  The grouchy teacher that yells in class.  The younger sibling that annoys them daily.  The kid that seems different and uncool.  The adult that seems angry and sad.  The grandparent that everyone forgets to visit.  

By teaching our kids these important lessons, we might even learn something ourselves.  We might even like who we become as a result.  At the very least, people around us will be happier, and so will we. 

Six years of Embracing Life

My dearest Monkey,

About this time six years ago, (I was finally getting a good dose of an epidural) after laboring most of the night, I was about to meet my little boy and was giddy with excitement. When you entered this world, it was to a mommy that was giggling and laughing with glee. They laid you on my chest and I've been completely and utterly in love ever since.

You had a rough few months there in the beginning... diagnosed with a kidney issue called hydronephrosis in the womb. And then diagnosed with reflux a few weeks after being born. Amazingly we found out what a tough little guy you were! You were sweet and loving and full of smiles all the time. Granted, those smiles sometimes meant you were about to upchuck on whoever was holding you, but we all rolled with it and loved you none-the-less. (I just did a LOT of laundry back then... some things don't change however).

Over the years, your climbing and crazy wild ways earned you the nickname Monkey... and it has stuck. You don't even seem to mind it. I love that you go with the flow like that and just want to see everyone around you happy. Your sister is your hero, and you follow her around like she was born just to show you what life is all about (and she acts as if she was born to boss you around... sorry buddy). But your love for her is so pure and awesome, it's a treat to watch it blossom and grow as you get older.

This has been a big year for you. Your transition from five years old to six has brought a lot of new adventures. Riding a bike, reading, swimming (even diving and doing flips off the diving board) and a new ability to have self-control, even when you haven't had your ADHD meds on days we forget to take it. You make your mama so proud.

I was a little worried when the doctor said I was going to have a boy. I mean, I am the oldest of three girls. We don't have any boys in our family. What was I suppose to do with a BOY? The thought definitely intimidated me. Now you are turning six and I can't imagine my life without you. Someone said that there is nothing like a boy's love for his mama. Well I am living breathing proof it's true. No one has ever loved me the way that you and your sister do, and makes my life worth living everyday.

Right now you are embracing life and all the wonderful things it has to offer. You are excited about starting some sports soon and starting first grade in the fall. My favorite is watching the concentration on your face as you are building something or working on a craft. You are so intense and focused and then suddenly you are DONE and your face lights up as you look for me to share whatever it is you have created. My heart rejoices at that pure happiness on your face with you receive praise and accolade.

Nate, you have such a sweet and accepting spirit. You love your family and friends and go out of your way to make them smile and laugh. Don't ever lose that. But also remember that your happiness is important too. Continue to be my adventurous monkey. I will always be here ready with a smile and encouragement.

I love you my little man. My monkey. My Nate.
Happy Birthday!

Love you bunches,
Mommy

Nate's Kindergarten Grad, a late mother's day gift and my sweet nephew

It was a good couple of weeks around here.

Nate graduated from kindergarten, my sister and her little boy came for a visit and I finally got my custom made necklace from the vintage pearl. For yays. Fun!

This is Nate with Melody... his crush he's had all year.



Problem is, his best buddy Joseph ALSO has a crush on her. Ha. Kindergarten love triangle at it's finest.



Ms. Harbster is a first year teacher, and just super adorable. We loved her so much. She was so patient with Nate and helped him overcome ADHD challenges and go from barely recognizing half of his letters at the beginning of the year, to full on reading and writing by the end. So proud of him and just LOVED her!



This is the "lip"... his new maveauver to get me to do his bidding. Here he was wanting me to go sit on the floor next to him.



Walking across "the stage" ha



I love this little guy



So proud



Nate & Mommy (TERRIBLE pic of me BTW)



with some of his classmates





Again with the lip:



And now for my sweet nephew Chase eating mash taters at my mom's house. Garsh I lurv him soooo much!

Find laughter in everything.

Nate: So, Mom, that one judge on American Idol... Pepper? She doesn't like Simon does she?

Me: You mean Posh Spice?

Nate: Oh yeah, Spice.

Me: (snicker...haha... Pepper) Yeah, she did seem annoyed with him didn't she?

Nate: I know!

Just another day full of chuckles with my Monkey. Had to share that little convo tonight, as it was just too cute not to.

I have a bunch of ideas for articles churning in my head, but life is a whirlwind and I haven't had two seconds to put pen to paper (or hands to keyboard, as the case may be). I promise to be better with blogging and writing this year, despite the fact my photography business is thriving. It has truly become my new passion and I am having so much fun with it. Be sure to go check out the newborn shots I did right after the new year on my photography blog (www.luckystardesigns.net). She was one adorable baby.

This weekend I am taking a break from the crazy pace of life and heading off to D.C. Looking forward to hitting up Georgetown for my favorite pizza place and maybe even a little 80's and 90's music at one of the little pubs. I will get some work in too, I am sure, but it will be nice to get away for the weekend too.

When I come back, I plan on putting together a workshop for learning Photoshop basics if anyone local is interested. Let me know. I'll post in more details about it on the photography blog later this month.

Hope everyone is having a great year! Be sure to reply with some articles you would like to see in the next couple of months. I'd like to merge some of my single-mom advice and some of my photography and design skills to put some articles together that teach you how to take better pictures of your kids, crafts you can do with kids, and even create your own holiday cards and scrapbook gifts. What else would you like to see?

Be Merry

I know... I know... I suck at blogging these past few months. I assure you I miss it and I feel like my creative brain is begging me to get some writing in.

Many of you know that I have been in a legal battle with my ex for a long time, so that has also hampered my writing, as anything "can and will be used against you" in a court of law (ha). Therefore, my creative energy feels extremely censored under that kind of negativity.

I write about my memories, my life... what I've learned and experienced. Much of that is being put on hold right now, so I apologize for feeling less than inspired these days.

But that all being said, life is good. Better than good. It's GRRRR-REAT! (Yes, I invoked some Tony the Tiger there... I hang out with the under 10 crowd entirely too much these days).

The kiddos are keeping me busy (and happy) with all the holiday madness. I think 7 and 5 are the perfect age for Christmas. Old enough to understand the true meaning of the holidays, but young enough to still believe in it's magic as well.

We went to see Santa the other day at the Bass Pro Shop in Grapevine. They do such an awesome presentation of Santa and other fun things for kids. I am really impressed each year when we go, especially when you consider it's ALL FREE! The Santa pictures, playing with the lazer rifle game, the electric racecars, even the horse drawn carriage outside. And as a photographer, I loved it because the photo ops there were ENDLESS.

I strapped on my trusty Nikon D90, geared the kids up in hats, scarves and gloves and off we went. Three hours later I had about 100 pictures and two very happy but tired kiddos. I also had a little boy that went from wanting a Nintendo DS from Santa to wanting a Red Rover B-B gun (oi vey!) and a little GIRL who instead of wanting anything girly, wants a fishing pole and a crossbow in pink camo. Well, atleast that will make their soon-to-be stepdad happy, since he's an avid outdoorsman. But mama bear is LESS than pleased. I think I am outnumbered though.

This time of year always reminds me of our Christmases growing up. We never had much, but I still remember it being magical, no matter what we found under the tree that morning. I was never disappointed, as whatever Santa brough seemed to be JUST right. I hope my own kids will have the same memory about Christmas when they grow up.

This year, instead of digging out all the ornaments and doing the "fancy" tree, we plan on getting a REAL tree and making all of our decorations. I am really looking forward to this. We are going to string cranberries and popcorn and make construction paper and ribbon ornaments. Hang candy canes and paper chain garland. I am excited about our "Charlie Brown" tree. Of course I will be there taking pictures to make sure we have the memories captured forever. But I hope the feeling of family togetherness will burn in the kid's memory as well. This will be our first Christmas in our blended family and we are all looking forward to it so much.

Okay, enough holiday rambling... I thought it would be fun to share some of your favorite/memorable childhood "Santa Gifts". Here are a few of mine. Be sure to comment and post yours as well!

1. Age 7 - royal blue blowdryer (I was BIG time with my own blowdryer for my curly hair! Ha)
2. Age 12 - A cassette tape (NOT dubbed from the radio) of Poisen "Look what the Cat drug in"
3. Age 15 - A CD player and black knee high boots (I was cool I tell ya)


Have a merry Christmas and Happy (but SAFE) New Year all my friends. I promise to be more faithful to my blog in 2010. (I won't even put it on my resolutions list, so that way I REALLY WILL do it) LOL.

xoxo

Learning. Loving. Living.

Do you ever miss being a kid? I'll admit that I really don't think about it much. My childhood was fun and full of drama at the same time. Interspersed with the happy moments of playing with my friends until dark and drawing hopscotch on the sidewalk, is the memories of my mom sitting in a corner of a dark room crying and having potato soup every night for a week because there wasn't enough to eat in our house.

Childhood was somewhat bittersweet for me. I grew up not knowing my real dad. I fell madly in love with my mom's first husband, who eventually cheated on her, got mixed up in drugs, and died a homeless vet roaming the city streets - hardly father of the year. And then I spent my pre-pubescent years scowling at my mom's second husband and picking fights with him throughout high school. I took all my resentment out on him, and although sometimes he deserved it, most of the time he didn't.

But I also remember holding all-day dance contests in my cousin's front yard, complete with a sheet of cardboard to "break-dance" on to the tunes coming out of our "boombox". Fun times. And sitting on the back patio in the scorching sun eating a popsicle, feeling it drip down my arms and onto my bare legs and then jumping in the pool to rinse it all off. While inside the house my family was falling apart.

For a kid with a childhood like that... the good memories were a lifeboat to happiness.

The resilience of children has never been more clear to me than when I became a mom. Wiping tears from faces that just got skinned from falling off a bike, kissing a papercut that has already begun to heal but needs a batman bandaid, well just because it feels better, and playing barbies with my daughter because she had a fight with her best friend --- these are the moments when my heart breaks because more than anything I want to protect my children from any pain. But then five minutes later they are up and running and laughing again... whatever hurt received quickly forgotten. And that makes me smile.

I realized tonight that I am doing a good job of protecting them and encouraging happiness, because despite being involved in a nasty custody dispute with their father, my children are oblivious to it. I fill their days with activity and stories and love and kisses and hugs - tucking them warmly into bed at night, so that they don't doubt for one second that they are loved and cared for. They don't have to worry about whether mommy is sad again or whether there will be something new on the dinner table tomorrow night. They have the security to know that their every need will be met.

Does their mom sit in a corner and cry? I'll admit that sometimes I do, but it's when they aren't around to see or worry about it. Have I worried about where I'll find food to put on the table? Since becoming a single mom, yes I have been there a time or two as well. But it's not something they ever see or realize. I protect them so that they can do what kids are suppose to do... play and learn and experience the wonders of our world.

And somehow, through them, I am getting to experience my childhood over again - well at least the good parts. That's my reward for being their mom.

Weeeee!

Is there anything more free than this?

Jenna doing what she does best