Language - It's meaning has POWER

I've been thinking a lot lately about language.  We are inundated by it daily.  TV, Radio, our friends, our family, our co-workers... even magazines, the internet, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter play into my thoughts.  And as parents, we are the first examples of language for our children.  You know, that group of shorties that represent our future world leaders?

My children are 10, 8 and 7 months.  The oldest one is starting to experiment with language as a pre-teen (and mostly failing to grasp the influence she has over her brothers by using it), my middle child is learning about language in his speech classes to fix a slight lisp, and my youngest is just simply LEARNING about language because he can't talk yet.

Our language, the words we use, the body language we convey it with, even the cell phone texts/tweets/facebook messages we send... have POWER.

The other day my middle was acting a little nutty (as he sometimes does do to his ADHD and being a BOY).  I caught myself as I started to say "Settle down, you are acting like a ..." wait, did I really almost call my son a 'TARD?!?!  Where the heck did that COME from??  I am hugely against using negative words in everyday slang... like "TARD", "That's GAY", "Don't be a Baby!"... to me these are taking very special people in our world and saying they are "bad" because we use their titles in negative language.  And here I was, about to say something that I was 100% fundamentally against. 

Again.  I asked myself, WHERE did this come FROM?  How did it so easily jump into my head and almost out of my lips?!  

All I can think is that we are inundated with language from the time we get up until the time we go to bed.  I read hundreds (maybe thousands) of status updates on Facebook and Twitter each day.  I read magazines, watch the news and a select few TV shows and listen to radio nearly all day.  Words are constantly entering my head and ears in almost unconscious ways.  I know I've heard teens call each other 'Tards and exclaim "that's so gay!" at least daily via social media and other communication vehicles.  It's possible that these phrases don't even register in my brain anymore, they are like hearing "I had a crappy day today", "That was so cool, it was the SHIT", "Damn I am hungry!" ... or like my 10 year old gets chastised for saying almost daily: "That's friggin stupid!" 

But I want to put a stop to our numbing response to negative language.  I don't want my kids to think it's okay to use slang to hurt others, even in unconcious ways.

And I want to remove these and other words from my vocabulary as well.  It goes further than just cursing (which I need to work on as well).  I want to go back to the mantra, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  Is it really necessary to scream at the driver that just cut you off in traffic?  He can't hear you.  And you don't know what his day was like.  Maybe he's rushing from work to spend time with his wife that is in the hospital.  Or maybe his kid just got hurt at baseball practice and he needs to get there quickly.  Granted, maybe he is just a jerk that thinks his time is more valuable than yours, but regardless, screaming a malicious name or statement at him doesn't do anyting to fix him, and instead might be influencing your kids in negative ways when they hear you.  Next time your son pushes your daughter to get to the sink first to wash hands, is it okay for her to say "Hey stupid!  Watch where you are going!" ??  No, you don't want her to say that, so really we should say it either.  Right?

 

Here is my challenge.  Start listening to your words.  Pause before you speak, before you type the next status update or tweet.  Is the words you are conveying positive in nature?  Do they have unnecessary adverbs?  Isn't it just as easy and effective to say "Today wasn't my favorite, hoping tomorrow is better" as it is to say "Today was a piece of crap and I friggin' hope tomorrow doesn't suck too"?   

Furthermore,  I challenge parents take a more active role in what your kids are watching, listening to and saying themselves.  It's no fun being the UNCOOL parent, but it's our job to filter and sensor our children until they are old enough to make judgements about the world through a foundation of values and morals that WE as PARENTS instill in them.  My hope is when they aren't with you, and they are tempted to watch and say things you don't approve of, they will use that foundation to make good decisions about language. 

I am working on it day-by-day and word-by-word.  I am doing it because our children are listening, watching and mimicking who we are, how we act and what we do.  Do we want our future to be influenced by a bunch of kids that learned what the world was about via Spongebob Squarepants, Family Guy and Futurama? 

In this world of anti-bullying campaigns, gun-control law debates and mental illness at an all time high, maybe the answer is simple.  Language, my friends, has POWER.  Power to tear down and power to build up.  Power to teach and power to alienate.  Power to share love and power to spur on hate.  Let's put LOVE back in our language.  

Let's teach our children to use language to communicate that love to everyone they meet.  The new kid in school.  The grouchy teacher that yells in class.  The younger sibling that annoys them daily.  The kid that seems different and uncool.  The adult that seems angry and sad.  The grandparent that everyone forgets to visit.  

By teaching our kids these important lessons, we might even learn something ourselves.  We might even like who we become as a result.  At the very least, people around us will be happier, and so will we. 

Stop to Taste the Rain

Its been another crazy and busy month in our household. We had two more birthdays in our family. Nate turned the Big 5, and well I got another year older too. No need to reveal my REAL age. Ha.

Speaking of age, I have to tell you something funny that Jenna said to me the day before my birthday. She was asking how old I was, and I asked her "Can I just pretend I am still 29?" Her reply was "But you aren't and that would be lying."

I paused and thought a moment. I mean, yes, honesty is the best policy and all of that, but isn't there room in their moral upbringing for a little "white" lie? And the lesson of when to affectively use it?

"What if I just stop having birthdays this year and then we won't count them anymore? That way when someone asks me how old I am, I can just say 'I have celebrated 34 birthdays."

Oops, I guess I just told ya how old I am. Hmph.

Anyways, Jenna tilted her head sideways and grinned. I could see she saw the sneakiness of my logic, but was approving. "But MOM, you are YOUNG... why don't we keep having your birthday until you are 59 and then you can stop," Jenna stated. I chuckled in response and asked why 59 was the magic age. "Because that is how old Nonna is [my mom] and she's still young too."

Wow, she was really buttering up two old gals today, wasn't she?

But really, that's just how Jenna views the world... she knows how to stop and enjoy the moment. Relish whatever stage you are at and not rush to the next one. She is a lot like me that way. Always looking ahead, but not forgetting to look around either and appreciate what is right next to you.

For Nate's birthday, we drove to Florida again. The visit was shorter, but just as much fun. One day at the beach, some dark clouds rolled in and we waited until the last possible moment to pack it up and head in for the day. All at once the clouds opened and dumped rain on us. The kids came running in from the tide and as I waited, I watched Jenna stop, turn her head into the rain and stick her tongue out. She had stopped to taste the rain.

Of course Nate was dripping wet from playing in the ocean, but still felt the need to run from the pouring drops as if each one was going to scald his skin. That's my boy... he tends to run away from new experiences. He likes the comfort of home and routine and will avoid change like... well like the rain on a pretty day.

I can learn something from both of them however. Jenna in her innocence, stopped to take the rain in, rather than run from it... and like her, I want to learn to enjoy what is around me, find peace and joy in things that scare me or disrupt my day. Nate, he is more attached to his routine and is afraid of change, but there is something to be said for caution in life, because there are times when the storm is coming in and you SHOULD seek shelter from it. The key is learning to find balance between the two.

Amazing what you can learn from a 7 and 5 year old. Even at 34. (And hopefully even when I am 59, and stop having birthdays).