Language - It's meaning has POWER

I've been thinking a lot lately about language.  We are inundated by it daily.  TV, Radio, our friends, our family, our co-workers... even magazines, the internet, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter play into my thoughts.  And as parents, we are the first examples of language for our children.  You know, that group of shorties that represent our future world leaders?

My children are 10, 8 and 7 months.  The oldest one is starting to experiment with language as a pre-teen (and mostly failing to grasp the influence she has over her brothers by using it), my middle child is learning about language in his speech classes to fix a slight lisp, and my youngest is just simply LEARNING about language because he can't talk yet.

Our language, the words we use, the body language we convey it with, even the cell phone texts/tweets/facebook messages we send... have POWER.

The other day my middle was acting a little nutty (as he sometimes does do to his ADHD and being a BOY).  I caught myself as I started to say "Settle down, you are acting like a ..." wait, did I really almost call my son a 'TARD?!?!  Where the heck did that COME from??  I am hugely against using negative words in everyday slang... like "TARD", "That's GAY", "Don't be a Baby!"... to me these are taking very special people in our world and saying they are "bad" because we use their titles in negative language.  And here I was, about to say something that I was 100% fundamentally against. 

Again.  I asked myself, WHERE did this come FROM?  How did it so easily jump into my head and almost out of my lips?!  

All I can think is that we are inundated with language from the time we get up until the time we go to bed.  I read hundreds (maybe thousands) of status updates on Facebook and Twitter each day.  I read magazines, watch the news and a select few TV shows and listen to radio nearly all day.  Words are constantly entering my head and ears in almost unconscious ways.  I know I've heard teens call each other 'Tards and exclaim "that's so gay!" at least daily via social media and other communication vehicles.  It's possible that these phrases don't even register in my brain anymore, they are like hearing "I had a crappy day today", "That was so cool, it was the SHIT", "Damn I am hungry!" ... or like my 10 year old gets chastised for saying almost daily: "That's friggin stupid!" 

But I want to put a stop to our numbing response to negative language.  I don't want my kids to think it's okay to use slang to hurt others, even in unconcious ways.

And I want to remove these and other words from my vocabulary as well.  It goes further than just cursing (which I need to work on as well).  I want to go back to the mantra, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  Is it really necessary to scream at the driver that just cut you off in traffic?  He can't hear you.  And you don't know what his day was like.  Maybe he's rushing from work to spend time with his wife that is in the hospital.  Or maybe his kid just got hurt at baseball practice and he needs to get there quickly.  Granted, maybe he is just a jerk that thinks his time is more valuable than yours, but regardless, screaming a malicious name or statement at him doesn't do anyting to fix him, and instead might be influencing your kids in negative ways when they hear you.  Next time your son pushes your daughter to get to the sink first to wash hands, is it okay for her to say "Hey stupid!  Watch where you are going!" ??  No, you don't want her to say that, so really we should say it either.  Right?

 

Here is my challenge.  Start listening to your words.  Pause before you speak, before you type the next status update or tweet.  Is the words you are conveying positive in nature?  Do they have unnecessary adverbs?  Isn't it just as easy and effective to say "Today wasn't my favorite, hoping tomorrow is better" as it is to say "Today was a piece of crap and I friggin' hope tomorrow doesn't suck too"?   

Furthermore,  I challenge parents take a more active role in what your kids are watching, listening to and saying themselves.  It's no fun being the UNCOOL parent, but it's our job to filter and sensor our children until they are old enough to make judgements about the world through a foundation of values and morals that WE as PARENTS instill in them.  My hope is when they aren't with you, and they are tempted to watch and say things you don't approve of, they will use that foundation to make good decisions about language. 

I am working on it day-by-day and word-by-word.  I am doing it because our children are listening, watching and mimicking who we are, how we act and what we do.  Do we want our future to be influenced by a bunch of kids that learned what the world was about via Spongebob Squarepants, Family Guy and Futurama? 

In this world of anti-bullying campaigns, gun-control law debates and mental illness at an all time high, maybe the answer is simple.  Language, my friends, has POWER.  Power to tear down and power to build up.  Power to teach and power to alienate.  Power to share love and power to spur on hate.  Let's put LOVE back in our language.  

Let's teach our children to use language to communicate that love to everyone they meet.  The new kid in school.  The grouchy teacher that yells in class.  The younger sibling that annoys them daily.  The kid that seems different and uncool.  The adult that seems angry and sad.  The grandparent that everyone forgets to visit.  

By teaching our kids these important lessons, we might even learn something ourselves.  We might even like who we become as a result.  At the very least, people around us will be happier, and so will we. 

Six years of Embracing Life

My dearest Monkey,

About this time six years ago, (I was finally getting a good dose of an epidural) after laboring most of the night, I was about to meet my little boy and was giddy with excitement. When you entered this world, it was to a mommy that was giggling and laughing with glee. They laid you on my chest and I've been completely and utterly in love ever since.

You had a rough few months there in the beginning... diagnosed with a kidney issue called hydronephrosis in the womb. And then diagnosed with reflux a few weeks after being born. Amazingly we found out what a tough little guy you were! You were sweet and loving and full of smiles all the time. Granted, those smiles sometimes meant you were about to upchuck on whoever was holding you, but we all rolled with it and loved you none-the-less. (I just did a LOT of laundry back then... some things don't change however).

Over the years, your climbing and crazy wild ways earned you the nickname Monkey... and it has stuck. You don't even seem to mind it. I love that you go with the flow like that and just want to see everyone around you happy. Your sister is your hero, and you follow her around like she was born just to show you what life is all about (and she acts as if she was born to boss you around... sorry buddy). But your love for her is so pure and awesome, it's a treat to watch it blossom and grow as you get older.

This has been a big year for you. Your transition from five years old to six has brought a lot of new adventures. Riding a bike, reading, swimming (even diving and doing flips off the diving board) and a new ability to have self-control, even when you haven't had your ADHD meds on days we forget to take it. You make your mama so proud.

I was a little worried when the doctor said I was going to have a boy. I mean, I am the oldest of three girls. We don't have any boys in our family. What was I suppose to do with a BOY? The thought definitely intimidated me. Now you are turning six and I can't imagine my life without you. Someone said that there is nothing like a boy's love for his mama. Well I am living breathing proof it's true. No one has ever loved me the way that you and your sister do, and makes my life worth living everyday.

Right now you are embracing life and all the wonderful things it has to offer. You are excited about starting some sports soon and starting first grade in the fall. My favorite is watching the concentration on your face as you are building something or working on a craft. You are so intense and focused and then suddenly you are DONE and your face lights up as you look for me to share whatever it is you have created. My heart rejoices at that pure happiness on your face with you receive praise and accolade.

Nate, you have such a sweet and accepting spirit. You love your family and friends and go out of your way to make them smile and laugh. Don't ever lose that. But also remember that your happiness is important too. Continue to be my adventurous monkey. I will always be here ready with a smile and encouragement.

I love you my little man. My monkey. My Nate.
Happy Birthday!

Love you bunches,
Mommy

Last night's convo with Nate ---->

Nate: Mommy, can you live if you cut your foot off?

Me: Um, yeah, why?
Nate: What about your arm or your leg?
Me: Yep, there are people who are alive with NO arms OR legs.
Nate : But you can't live without your head right?
Me: Nope, I think you would probably have to go live with Jesus if you lost your head.
Nate: Yeah, cause how would you eat?

A convo with Nate

So we are sitting at the reception, after enjoying the beautiful (although a tad bit chilly) outdoor wedding of our favorite babysitter, Amanda. She has been the kids' babysitter since they were too old to make complete sentences. She is truly an important part of our family. Miss Duh'manda is what Jenna use to call her.

At the reception, after raiding the fruit tray and having some iced tea, Nate tells me he had to use the restroom. He's a big boy now and wants to go by himself when we are out in public, so I got the light turned on and the door shut, always worried about letting him have so much independence, but knowing I should.

I sat back down to enjoy my raspberry tea and chat with Jenna about how pretty Amanda was, one eye on the bathroom door. I get up and get some more fruit (bathroom door is still shut). I check my cell phone for messages. I send a text message to Rod telling him how much we missed him. Look back at the closed bathroom door. Nothing. 15 minutes later and Nate is STILL in the bathroom.

Getting a bit worried (okay a LOT worried), I go and knock on the door and ask if he's okay. "YES MOM!" he says in an exasperated tone. Sheesh. I am already THAT mom. You know, the one that always makes you feel like your mom is never going to let you grow up. Yep. He said it in that tone. He's FIVE. Come on now Nate, cut your mom some slack here. You are still my baby, dangit!

So he finally emerges and says "MOMMY! that was the BIGGEST bathroom I've ever seen! It's bigger than my bedroom." I peek in to check and say "yes, that is quite a large restroom Nate, but hardly as big as the bedroom at home," followed by a chuckle. "Come on and let's go get some more fruit."

We get back to our table and sit down and I ask him "so do you like the wedding Nate?" And he says yes. Then he says something that had me laughing the next day when I thought about it. "Mommy my wedding is going to be even better than this!"... amused, I asked him how so?

"Mine is going to have a bathroom that you have to walk down a LOOOOONG hall to get to!"

LOL.

Well, there ya have it folks. The key to knowing if you are at a big fancy wedding: if the bathroom is impressive enough for my little Nate. I guess if you spend as much time in there as he does to do his business, then it makes sense that it's the most important addition to any traditional wedding.

tee hee.

Find laughter in everything.

Nate: So, Mom, that one judge on American Idol... Pepper? She doesn't like Simon does she?

Me: You mean Posh Spice?

Nate: Oh yeah, Spice.

Me: (snicker...haha... Pepper) Yeah, she did seem annoyed with him didn't she?

Nate: I know!

Just another day full of chuckles with my Monkey. Had to share that little convo tonight, as it was just too cute not to.

I have a bunch of ideas for articles churning in my head, but life is a whirlwind and I haven't had two seconds to put pen to paper (or hands to keyboard, as the case may be). I promise to be better with blogging and writing this year, despite the fact my photography business is thriving. It has truly become my new passion and I am having so much fun with it. Be sure to go check out the newborn shots I did right after the new year on my photography blog (www.luckystardesigns.net). She was one adorable baby.

This weekend I am taking a break from the crazy pace of life and heading off to D.C. Looking forward to hitting up Georgetown for my favorite pizza place and maybe even a little 80's and 90's music at one of the little pubs. I will get some work in too, I am sure, but it will be nice to get away for the weekend too.

When I come back, I plan on putting together a workshop for learning Photoshop basics if anyone local is interested. Let me know. I'll post in more details about it on the photography blog later this month.

Hope everyone is having a great year! Be sure to reply with some articles you would like to see in the next couple of months. I'd like to merge some of my single-mom advice and some of my photography and design skills to put some articles together that teach you how to take better pictures of your kids, crafts you can do with kids, and even create your own holiday cards and scrapbook gifts. What else would you like to see?

Old stuff...

I have been stuck at home with a crazy case of sinus infection and chest cold. Just wiping me out. The other day I had to return the bunny costume from our Easter Event at work, so I took Jenna to school and instead of taking Nate (he's only in pre-school, nothing crazy), I decided to take him with me and drop him off on my way back to home (i.e. my bed for more nyquil and sleep).

Of course, upon arriving at the Costume Store that was almost all the way in Oklahoma, we found out we were 30 minutes early. I looked around for something to do while we waited and saw that the Antique Mall next door was open. So I took Nate by the hand and told him where we were going.

Nate: What are Antikies Mommy?
Me: Um, Antiques are OLD things that people like to still buy.
Nate: Like Old Navy?
Me: (chuckle), um no... like REALLY old stuff... things that are old fashioned
Nate: Are they dirty and dusty?
Me: sometimes, but still really cool, I'll show you.

So we walk in... in the only two customers in this HUGE 5 room storefront, stock full of every kind of antique you could imagine, complete with a tea room in the back. It was awesome!

I walked around (after threatening Nate to not touch anything or I'd kill him if I had to pay $200 for a 1940's rusted hair pin if he broke it). I was kinda browsing for anything interesting to use as a photo prop, but everything was really out of my price range.

What surprised me was Nate's complete enthusiasm. He kept saying: "Mommy look at this!" and then showing me some dusty trinket that he found interesting. I felt a bubble of pride well up in me.

Old stuff IS cool. But I think most kids today don't get that... consumed with their Ipods, laptops, Wii's and Iphones... well a dusty old stereo or a tin of marbles don't hold the same excitement to them.

But here was my little boy, not quite 5, asking for a bright red rotary phone for his birthday (which by the way was priced at $150... seriously?!) ... just because he thought it was cool. Then he found an old camera, an old stereo, an old rocking chair... all the same response "MOMMY! Look at this! Can I have it for my birthday?!" I would exclaim at each and tell him about what year they came from and what age I was (if I was even born) or what age his grandmother was when they used it... and then tell him what we used now instead. He was genuinly interested.

As we left, I was kinda sad that I couldn't afford that shiny red rotary phone... even though we don't even have a land line... it would have been fun to play with for the kids and made a great photo prop. Oh well, it was fun looking and bonding with my little guy, who's growing up so fast everyday.

Heck, I might just get on Ebay or Craigslist and see what kind of old treasure I can find him.